Anorexia stalked sad Nikki her whole life … lockdown pushed her over the edge
She was the unforgettable Big Brother star, who’s died at just 38. Now Nikki Grahame’s grieving friends and family reveal...
various theories about the root cause of her illness — some saying that she had mounted a hunger strike out of anger at her parents, others that she simply wanted to disappear from her unhappy home — Nikki herself concluded: ‘Part of me still thinks I would have become anorexic whatever happened.
‘It was in my nature from before I was born and the events of that year only brought it on at that particular time.’
By her own admission, she lost most of her childhood to her illness. At 19, she appeared to have managed to get it under control. She began studying for an NVQ in beauty therapy and got a job on the Clarins counter at John Lewis in Watford.
Later she found work at Harrods and rented a flat. Speaking in 2017, while taking part in the Channel 5 series In Therapy, she said: ‘I spent so many years in these institutions and clinics. And when I finally came out at 19 I had nothing going for me.
‘I had no social skills, no education, nowhere to live. I literally started from scratch. It was so daunting. I did relapse several times because I needed to go back to what I knew.’
Everything changed, she added, when ‘Big Brother opened my world to everything’.
The first time she applied to the Channel 4 reality show, she wrote all about her anorexia on her application form. The second time, in 2005, she decided to conceal her illness and was chosen for the seventh series in 2006. Was reality TV the right direction for such a troubled young woman? While viewers appeared to relish Nikki’s infamous on-screen tantrums, few could have realised that she had picked up much of her volatile behaviour during her juvenile hospital stays.
‘I’d watched kids having fits and rage and learned from them,’ she wrote. But her volatile personality undoubtedly made great TV.
After the first Big Brother series she was given her own E4 show, Princess Nikki, which saw her tackling several jobs including deep sea fishing and rubbish collection. She appeared on 2010’s Ultimate Big Brother and, in 2015, appeared in the 16th series of Big Brother UK as a ‘time warp’ house guest. The following year she competed in the fourth season of Big Brother Canada. In 2018, she appeared in the very last Big Brother series, saying: ‘It changed my life for the better. I don’t have one regret. Not one. It will always have a place in my heart.’ The show’s ultimate demise was undoubtedly a bitter blow, but over the past couple of years, she did her best to move on, taking courses in English and science and learning how to care for children with special needs. The advent of the Covid-19 pandemic was the cruellest of blows. The last time she posted on Instagram, in November, was to express her frustration at the impending second lockdown: ‘Not this again . . . seriously can’t deal.’ In recent weeks, friends and family became desperately worried about her failing health. In December, as her weight became dangerously low, she fell and cracked her pelvis in two places and broke her wrist. Her mother moved in to care for her but by now she was clearly very ill indeed. A GoFundMe appeal by her friends to raise money for more specialised treatment reached more than £69,000 and a fortnight ago, in a final race to save her, she was admitted to a private clinic.The last photograph taken of her with her ex-boyfriend and fellow Big Brother star Pete Bennett in March showed how frail she had become. Yesterday, scores of people who knew her or worked with her paid tribute to a young woman who brought brightness to the world even while nursing her own fatal sadness. Big Brother presenter Davina McCall wrote on Twitter: ‘She really was the funniest, most bubbly sweetest girl.’ Emma Willis, who later presented the show, described her as a ‘legend in our Big Brother family who was captivating to watch and an absolute sweetheart to be around’. Joanne Byrne, CEO of Anorexia and Bulimia Care, spoke of ‘a beautiful, fragile girl who struggled with anorexia for over 30 years. We must be able to do more for people like Nikki’. The greatest grief of all, of course, is that felt by the family members and friends who were so desperate to save her. Just last month, her mother spoke of cuddling her and telling her ‘there is life out there’. Even in the depths of her illness, Nikki herself never gave up hope that she might get better. Last month, her mother said, her daughter had asked her to pass on a message: ‘Tell everyone I’m going to try my level best to beat this. I’m going to get my life back.’ Tragically, it wasn’t to be.