I’ve fostered over 100 children... and here’s why I know Nicola is a natural
AFEW months before lockdown I accompanied a group of foster children to Bute House for an evening with the First Minister. It was an unforgettable occasion, full of smiles and fun. Before the night was over, each of the children had been appointed to a government position – such as education minister or justice secretary – and a junior ‘Cabinet meeting’ ensued. No one enjoyed themselves more than Nicola Sturgeon.
I had no inkling then that she might consider fostering one day but what was abundantly clear to me that night was that she would be perfect for the role.
Simply, Nicola is great with kids. I remember the time she took to having one-on-one chats with all eight of those children that night, how effortlessly she engaged with them and how focused she was on their little dialogues.
Many people who are parents do not have that talent. Nicola is not a parent, but she has it in spades.
Success in fostering bears little relation to your previous work experience. You could be a First Minister or a taxi driver, as I was before my husband Ian and I decided to become foster parents 21 years ago.
All that really matters is being good with children. Can you put them at their ease, nurture and support them, be there for them even after they have left your care? If so, fostering is for you.
MY advice, then, is go for it, First Minister. You would be absolutely brilliant, and you would not regret it for a second. A friend of mine who is a foster parent once told me much the same thing back when I was still driving taxis.
She noticed how I would dote on the children she was caring for, playing games with them, helping with their homework, and she suggested I should give it a go.
So we registered with Scottish Borders Council and, within a year, we had six children staying with us. Since then, more than 100 have been in our care and we are still in touch with around half of them.
Many of these children have suffered neglect or abuse in their family homes. Some arrive with no more than the clothes they are standing in.
We’ve had children who had never seen the seaside before coming to us, never played in the woods, never been swimming.
A good many have never sat down at the dinner table for a proper meal and know no table manners. We teach them these things.
New arrivals can be with us for days or weeks, but it is often months or many years. Reuben, who was with me the day we met the First Minister, is 13 now but came to us when he was one.
However long we have them, though, we know we have a chance to make a difference in their young lives – and we grab it. The sense of fulfilment which comes from watching these children bloom, from seeing their personalities develop and, day by day, watching their selfesteem growing is almost indescribable.
Last week we had a visit from a 17-year-old who stayed with us from babyhood until she was adopted aged three.
It was a joy to see the confident young woman she had become – and to find that she still knew her way around our house even after all those years.
She thanked us for everything we had done, which was lovely, but our real reward is in seeing her thrive.
Another youngster who was with us for years moved into his own flat just before lockdown. We prepared him as best we could.
Ian taught him how to cook for himself and I showed him the ropes with the washing machine.
Today he’s doing very well fending for himself and living an independent life, but he knows we are there for him any time, day or night.
You do not sever ties when they move out of the house. Our support is available as long as any of our children need it – even well into adulthood.
IWON’T lie. There are downsides, of course. The hardest days in my job as a foster carer are those when one of the children is leaving. Perhaps they are going to adoptive parents; sometimes they are returning to their families or striking out on their own as young adults.
It’s a terrible wrench. Those who came to us as babies and stayed for several years are the toughest, most bittersweet goodbyes.
It breaks your heart sometimes to see them moving in with new mummies and daddies and to have to stay away to allow them to settle in.
But it gladdens the heart, too. You helped them on their way; their time under your roof was well spent. You made sure of that. So I say do it, Nicola. You’re a natural. Become a foster mum and embrace a whole new world of fulfilment. n Those considering fostering can find more information at thefosteringnetwork.org.uk