High heels pave my way to good sex!

There is nothing quite like wearing heels. And however much fashion editors or wildly tall women such as Carla Bruni might try to suggest flats should replace them in women’s affections, we all know that’s rubbish.

When I was a child in the 1970s, I remember my headmistress ringing my mother, a doctor, begging her to write some learned tract for her to use in assembly about how platform heels may ruin the ‘organs’ of girls.

My mother laughed her head off. ‘They might ruin your back but that’s it,’ she said.

There is no question high heels have a sexual alchemy which is irresistible. even though they can be painful. Particularly now.

After two years of lockdown, my feet aren’t used to being in heels. Not that I care.

Yes, I will be reawakening my relationship with the chiropodist. Yes, it will be brutal. Yes, it may involve laddered tights, pedicures, blister plasters or those metatarsal pads for the balls of your feet. But, oh, how wonderful it is to whip on those leg-lengthening, curve enhancing, sexy accoutrements once more.

They make clothes instantly look better. And, believe me, the best ones are designed so you can actually run for the bus. I write this as a marathon runner who has had about as many running shoes as heels.

At my wedding day this year, I was going to sport a pair of sensible heels (in other words, dowdy) until the day dawned and my Best Lady Alison and I realised they would not do.

‘Put these on,’ ordered Alison, holding a pair of 4 in beauties. ‘They are so much sexier, don’t think about the pain.’ She was right.

heels make you feel desirable. The fact my new husband is almost a foot taller than me — he’s 6 ft 7 in — also means that if I wear flat shoes he is breathing a different atmosphere.

Are they the key to sexual fulfilment? Well, they might pave the way. In a sometimes uncomfortable but always gorgeous manner.