Are parents to blame for pupils’ bad behaviour?

Britain’s strictest headteacher says discipline starts at home. So...

MY goodneSS, I like the sound of the strictest headteacher in Britain, Barry Smith, who declared that ‘of course’ parents need to do more to ensure their kids behave well, and ‘I don’t think all parents are doing what they should be’.

he’s my kind of disciplinarian. he goes in for obligatory smiles from pupils and says he’s willing to supply sick buckets in class to deter those pretending to be ill so that they can skip lessons.

he’s not right, though, to blame parents for indiscipline. Most of us fail, not because we don’t want to bring up our children nicely, but because there are forces beyond our control.

Yes, I’m talking about the internet. Yes, I’m talking about peer group pressures. And I’m talking about mobile phones.

It’s easy to be a parent when your children are at primary school: you meet their teachers; you know other parents; your children are, bluntly, more willing to do what they’re told.

But at secondary school, it’s another story. Your contact with the school is limited; you don’t drop your children off; you don’t know their friends; and their access to technology is near uncontrollable.

Well, I suppose the children of the google and Facebook entrepreneurs get restricted screen time. It is the rest of us who are fighting a losing battle.

The upshot is there’s a limit to what parents can do to influence their children’s behaviour. My daughter is 14, and her mobile phone is practically an extension of her arm. I’ve tried to confiscate it, but she always finds a replacement; I try to limit screen time, but she insists she needs it for school, which is unfortunately true.

And on that device you get deeply worrying forces of subversion or, at least, sites with a different ethos from mine.

Adolescence is never easy, but technology makes it worse. A friend’s nice daughter turned into a monster of introversion and cheek once a well-wisher gave her a smartphone. She suddenly turned into a detached door-slammer.

As for peer pressure, it can undermine even the best of us. When my son was small, I forced him to write thank-you letters to his friends for his birthday party presents; I found them under the mattress, as the other children would have thought thank-you letters weird.

Mr Smith, I wish you well. But don’t blame parents for bad behaviour … most of us are on

your side.

‘ Some people seem scared of their ’ children