I REALLY WISH I’D HAD COUNSELLING SOONER

Charlotte Brighton, 36, a nail technician, lives in gosport, hants, with her husband gary, 36, and their children, aged ten and five. She says:

WHEN I was diagnosed with depression, I was told I had to go on an antidepressant — there was no other option.

‘This is the best course of action and the quickest,’ my GP said. The waiting list for counselling was weeks, even months, and after nearly ten years of misery, I felt I had no choice.

But I ended up spending 16 years on the pills, when I’d only intended to be on them a few months.

It all stemmed from being bullied at school. I started getting excruciating stomach pains and was back and forth at the GP’s every few weeks. I was diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) and given everything from relaxants to anti-spasmodics, but nothing worked. After I left school, I went back to my GP. When I told him I’d been feeling anxious, with no interest in anything, he said: ‘I think you have depression.’ Aged 20, I was put on fluoxetine [Prozac], then citalopram. I started on 20mg a day, building up over four years to 40mg. Within a month of taking citalopram I was less anxious and more interested in the world. But it left me feeling numb and lacking emotion; I was also tired, with low sex drive.

Still, I saw this as a necessary evil to be free of depression. I always promised myself I’d wean myself off the pills but at rare check-ups when I mentioned this to my doctor, he inferred there was no alternative.

In 2019, I tried finding out about counselling but was told the waiting lists were even longer than before.

Then just after the pandemic, I had a bit of a breakdown. I was hyperventilating and feeling panicky — one day I just fell to the floor sobbing.

I read that counselling was effective, so I decided to go privately — six sessions cost £300 but I wanted to try talking therapy and get off the antidepressants.

A psychotherapist helped me open up about everything I’d been through. I’ve learnt that emotions are normal, even shame and sadness I have about my childhood: these emotions are something I should feel, rather than the sense of numbness I had for 16 years.

The therapist also helped me with tools for my panic attacks and low mood. Now I feel so much better and over the past six months I’ve been slowly weaning myself off the pills, down to 10mg.

I wish I’d got counselling sooner: it has changed my life.