Too many still think it’s okay to have a go at people over mental health
COX INSISTS THAT SFA ARE NOT DOING ENOUGH TO CHECK ON PLAYER WELFARE
DAVID COX begins with a frank admission. ‘I’ve always admitted that I’m not an angel on the park,’ says the much-travelled
It’s much easier for people to keep their mouths shut as they fear they will be abused
striker.
‘I love getting stuck in with boys and getting a bit of banter. I don’t mind the back-and-forth stuff and smashing each other in tackles. But there’s a line to be drawn and too many people still cross it.’
Sixteen months ago, Cox generated headlines for the radical course of action he took when he felt that line had been crossed.
A substitute for Albion Rovers against Stenhousemuir at Ochilview, he left the ground in his car at half-time and vowed to quit football after allegedly being taunted about his mental health by opposing defender Jonathan Tiffoney.
Tiffoney was subsequently charged by the SFA with excessive misconduct but his postponed hearing won’t take place unless he registers with another club. He denied the abuse and insisted he would be willing to co-operate with any SFA investigation.
‘I might be overthinking it,’ offers Cox. ‘But his hearing was put back after his contract expired. He’s not registered any more, so they can’t do anything about it.
‘What’s the point in telling them (SFA) if they don’t follow it up?’
Cox’s frustrations at justice being denied to him in that instance pales in comparison to his concerns about the pace of change in attitudes towards mental health in the wider game.
Now aged 33 and back playing with local club Cambuslang Rangers after a year at Brechin, he believes advancements in this area in the decade since he first went public with his struggles have been minimal.
‘Too many people still think it’s fine to have a go at you over your mental health, probably because they’ve never experienced it and are ignorant towards it,’ he states.
‘For anyone who’s ever had to go through mental health issues, I doubt very much that they’d ever try to put that back on somebody else or slag them for it.
‘More and more people are thankfully talking about it now. It’s not something that we should hide away or be embarrassed about. That doesn’t mean that people should use it against you.’
He has experienced this in two forms. Aside from ‘regular’ on-field abuse, he has been cold-shouldered by ‘several’ managers who either weren’t able or willing to deal with a player with a history of depression.
‘Most managers would never admit that they won’t play you if you have told them you are struggling but that’s exactly what happens,’ explains Cox.
‘Football is about winning. It’s still hard for a manager to publicly say that he’s got four players out with depression.
‘Players come and go. In the lower leagues, most are on one-year contracts. If you have someone who’s got mental health issues, it’s easier to show them the door and get someone else in.’
A patron of the mental health charity Back Onside, Cox’s only regret about going public with his own struggles is that he didn’t do it sooner.
‘When I signed my first professional contract at Kilmarnock, it just wasn’t spoken about. The attitude in society was just “get a grip of yourself”,’ he recalls.
‘I got so much help off the back of going public but I got so much s*** as well.
‘I knew there would be a backlash but I did it because I wanted to help others and let them know that they are not the only person who’s dealing with it.’
Now a father of two with two step-children, the 33-year-old has regularly pondered why the dark clouds have hovered above his head for as long as he cares to remember. The question remains unanswered.
‘My family has a history of mental health problems,’ he adds. ‘Is it a hereditary thing, the way I was brought up or a combination of both?
‘Ultimately, everyone has a back story and are a product of their environment.
‘I grew up with severe anger issues. My dad tried to be a man’s man and bring his two boys up to be hard boys who could look after themselves. At the ages of four and five, he’d have us standing in front of him just fighting.
‘All I ever knew was anger, swearing and things being dealt with violently. I hated the person that I was becoming. I reacted to situations in the only way I knew.
‘My anger started with me punching things and got worse and worse, sticking my head into doors and windows. It turned into self-harm at 14.’
This trend continued into adulthood and would punctuate Cox’s professional life as he turned out for sides including Montrose, Peterhead, Airdrie and Forfar.
‘I’d three proper suicide attempts,’ he states candidly. ‘The first one was when I was about 19. I also self-harmed as recently as last year.’
Thankfully, that remains the last such incident. He is also relishing the new season with his new club and the fact that the gym he owns in Lanarkshire will soon be moving into new premises.
For all that much of his life appears to be fulfilled, it remains a precarious existence. ‘It’s a day-today thing,’ he explains.
‘Even now, there’s rarely a day that goes by that I don’t think about ending it. If life was a switch, I’d have flicked it off.
‘Don’t get me wrong, there are periods when I feel good. But there are times when you just wake up in the morning and think: “Not today, man”. It doesn’t matter what you do to bring yourself out of it.
‘I can be in the gym and have a good laugh with folk. Then when the last person walks out the door and there’s just silence. It’s just horrible.
‘I’ve tried different stuff like CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). It’s hard. Have I given myself the right amount of time to go through the steps?
‘I’ve probably learned how to cope myself and have been lucky not to have killed myself in between it.
‘When bad days come, I just have to ride it. The good thing is I have loads of people I can speak to. I just have to learn to live with it. I’ve got myself to a stage where if I don’t want to do something, then I don’t do it if I don’t feel well.’
His public profile has meant that he has found himself as a reference point for some of the ‘thousands’ who are suffering in silence.
‘Loads of boys have come to me and I’ve passed them on to the PFA
There are periods when I feel good. But there is rarely a day that goes by I don’t think about ending my life
(Scotland) or Back Onside,’ he says. ‘There are so many who are struggling but do not want to speak publicly about it in case it affects their chances of making it in football. ‘I’ve heard of players being asked if they have mental health issues during contract talks. That’s just wrong.’ He takes some encouragement from the initiatives of various charities and the players’ union as well as anecdotal reports of admissions of failure in this area from some of his former managers. From the dressing room to the boardroom, Cox feels that the game has a long way to go before mental health is viewed as it ought to be. ‘We’re still miles away in Scottish football,’ he insists. ‘It’s still easier for players to keep their mouths shut as they fear they will be abused or a manager will hold it against them. ‘Players have to realise that saying something abusive to someone could be the final straw for someone. ‘A lot has been done to kick racism out of football and rightly so. But the same should apply to someone taunting someone about the mental health.’
• If you need someone to talk to, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123 or by emailing jo@samaritans.org