MEN BEHAVING BADLY

With the chief already living the life of Riley on a daily basis, one night of total freedom is just plain greedy, says Fiona Armstrong

Fiona Armstrong sees the effects of a pink ticket first-hand

The chief and I are overnighting in Edinburgh. We are having a nice, quiet drink in a Princes Street hotel when we run into an old friend. It is a bit of a surprise to see him there, for the Scottish capital is not his regular haunt.

Then comes the realisation that this normally sober individual seems to be somewhat the worse for wear. As the rather resigned waitress, Polly, says in Fawlty Towers: ‘He has potted the shrimps and soused the herrings. He has smashed the eggs in his cups – under the table…’

The man can still talk, though. And he informs us that the reason for the jollity is that he has been given a ‘pink ticket’ for the night.

Now, I believe this saying may have something to do with the Royal Navy. If you know more, please let me know. Basically, this is a voucher that allows a man time off for good behaviour.

It means the day, or the evening, is his to do with as he wishes. Which suggests, paradoxically, that he can, for a short while, behave as badly as he likes. I consult the urban dictionary. It tells me a pink ticket is permission from a wife or girlfriend to ‘indulge in activities that may be banned when she is around’.

It continues. ‘These activities include pretty much everything that is fun and does not revolve around her.’

“He informs us that the reason for the jollity is that he has been given a ‘pink ticket’

This precious time could be spent pubbing or clubbing with mates. But only for a set period, you understand. After the agreed number of hours have passed, the male in question must return to the safekeeping of his loved one.

Actually, what the urban dictionary says is, the man must return to the ‘custody ‘of his other half. But I have modified that. For obvious reasons.

But why a pink ticket? Why not a blue one? Or, if we are talking outrageous behaviour here, why not a red one? For pink is not a wild colour. It is a delicate shade. And it is one that suggests romance and girlyness. Pink makes you think of fairies and flowers. If you are in the pink, you are in good health. Being tickled pink means you are as happy as can be. Those rose or pink-tinted glasses allow you to view the world in an optimistic light. Whatever the reason for pink, for the MacGregor this whole ticket business is a tantalising thought.

‘Why do I never get one?’ he complains as our merry friend says farewell and weaves his way on to the next watering hole. At this stage, dear reader, I have to remind my husband that his life is one long pink ticket. And that he is a very lucky man.

Back at home, meanwhile, the MacNaughties are also enjoying being let off the leash for a night. Whilst we are away, they have been staying at the stables. They board there, along with the horses, the pigs and poultry.

It is a right old animal fest. And although our dogs do not chase the ducks and are careful to give the ponies a wide berth, they are curious about the pigs. I believe one is a Berkshire and I am told that the naughty Norfolk spends his time trying to creep up to get a closer look. Then the animal snorts loudly and Rummie scarpers.

He, like our friend in Edinburgh, has a pink ticket. He is living dangerously. As the old Cole Porter song goes.

‘We’re all alone, no chaperone… let’s misbehave! That’s so contagious, let’s be outrageous. Let’s misbehave!’