Perfection on wheels
Fast, comfortable, spacious and a peerless driving experience, the Porsche Cayenne has it all, says Neil Lyndon
‘If I had to live with only one car for the rest of my life, I would make a strenuous case for this Porsche’
‘If you had to choose one car out of all the test cars you have driven to keep for your own use, which would it be?
This is the question most often asked of motoring writers who often drive two or three new cars a week; and there is never an easy answer. The beau ideal of cars would combine absurdly incompatible qualities – the sumptuous luxury of a Bentley; the hair-raising thrill of a Ferrari in full flight; the mud-plugging of a Land Rover; the family accommodation of a Volvo. How could such a paragon be achieved?
The new Cayenne Coupe comes extraordinarily close. If I had to live with only one car for the rest of my life, I would make a strenuous case for this Porsche.
Others in the house might need some persuading. The £80,366 tab for the three-litre V6 version we borrowed might require delicate diplomacy in order to win approval from the family congress, but surely everybody could happily resign themselves to the loss of all future holidays in exchange for an SUV with 335bhp and 450Nm of torque or pulling power which can accelerate from 0-60mph in under six seconds, race on to 150mph and keep up with Aston Martin on the road? Is a little magnanimity of thought too much to ask?
Then again, there might be some disquiets over the seating arrangements. No criticism can be alleged against the luxuries on offer for the occupants of the front seats but, instead of the usual bench seat in the back, the Cayenne Coupe has a pair of individual bucket chairs separated by a deep tray and a couple of cupholders. ‘That’s all very well when it’s just the four of us,’ I can hear them whining, ‘but where is Granny supposed to sit on family excursions?’ Is nobody willing to accept compromise in this house for the sake of beauty and performance, I sigh?
Reservations might conceivably – if irrationally - be expressed about the practical consequences of the Cayenne Coupe’s styling. To save weight and add to aerodynamic efficiency and downforce, Porsche’s designers have cut a solid chunk out of the top of the standard Cayenne, fitting the Coupe with a sharply sloping roof and tail spoiler. Along with lowered suspension, this modification helps the car to hang on through corners as if it’s running on rails; but the change does admittedly result in reduced headroom in the rear seats and in less space for luggage under the rear hatch. Surely, however, any reasonable children will understand that it’s worth crouching a little in their seats and going without a bucket and spade at the beach in order to allow their father to act as if he’s driving at Le Mans while at the wheel of the family bus?
Nobody is going to complain about the ride of this car. They probably won’t even notice that they are travelling on an engineering miracle. The three-chamber air suspension on our test car enables this two-tonne leviathan of an SUV to zip around like a sports car while allowing Granny to fill in her crossword with a steady hand (if she can find a seat).
It’s an uncanny feat of composure, enhanced by a steered rear axle and a torque vectoring rear differential which distributes power around the four wheels according to road conditions.
Nobody could expect to get away with pretending that this car will provide serious off-road capabilities, but a credible case could be argued that Porsche’s all-wheel drive system will probably overcome an icy drive in the middle of a Scottish winter. Good luck with that.
Porsche claim 22-23.9mpg but I never managed more than 20mpg. There is no conceivable excuse or defence for those figures nor for
CO2 emissions between 270-290g/km. You’d just have to hope they don’t come up in the discussion.