Parents of stillborn son ‘anxious but delighted’ to be expecting

A COUPLE who were left devastated when their son was born stillborn days after his due date are expecting again.

Stephen Doran and his wife Karen say they are “anxious but delighted” with the news but say their new child “will never replace” Jude who was stillborn at full term two and a half years ago.

Stephen, aged 35, who raises funds for charities who help bereaved parents, said: “We’re both nervous. We’ve kept it very much to ourselves until recently.

“It’s the fear we’ve gone through before with Jude but also people almost thinking that this is almost like replacement for Jude and that isn’t the case.

“He’ll always be our first-born, he’ll always be our son. We’ll love whoever comes along and we’ll be fantastic parents. That child’s going to receive the best support in the world, but it’s not going to be a replacement for Jude.

“Our son or daughter will know about Jude because Jude will always be the older brother.”

The couple, from Llantrisant, lost baby Jude in November 2014 when Karen went for a scan three days after her due date.

She went with a friend to the University Hospital of Wales in Cardiff for a check-up but was told the devastating news there was no heartbeat.

Jude Joseph Doran was due on October 31, 2014, and was born on November 4 after a nine-hour labour.

After their ordeal Stephen and Karen said they were finding it hard to enjoy the news of their upcoming new arrival.

Stephen said: “It’s been hard to enjoy this as a pregnancy because I know with Jude you don’t expect the worst, and we obviously lost him after a full term. Every day is a milestone.”

When they found out Karen was pregnant Stephen said he felt “shock, joy and fear” – but became worried about events turning out like they had before. He said: “It was just joyful, but you always have in the back of your mind until you get to those milestones – 12 weeks, 20 weeks and then 26 weeks. It’s just day by day.

“You don’t get over it but you move forward. You can never get over it.”

Now he wants to use his experience as a bereaved father to try to help other dads in the same situation. He said: “People don’t expect the worst to happen, and unfortunately Jude became one of those statistics. I didn’t know anybody beforehand who had experienced it.

“I’m always available if anyone wants to contact me – especially fathers – just to reach out and talk because I know what it’s like. There is very little practical support because it’s not readily available. It’s very limited. With fathers it’s seen as just typical men – they don’t talk.

“You have that protective instinct – you just want to protect your other half and I know it took me a year before it really hit me.

“I was back at work and it was just after Jude’s first birthday and I just hit a brick wall. I needed that bit of support.”

The joyous news also comes as Stephen is set to complete his latest charity event to raise money for stillbirth and neonatal charity Sands.

So far he’s raised more than £16,000 for charities which help parents but hopes his efforts can help more people in their time of need.

But he was not looking forward to his last event – yesterday’s Wales Marathon.

Before the challenge, Stephen said: “The Wales Marathon starts in Tenby, goes to Pembroke and back to Tenby again. I did the half marathon two years ago and that was quite hilly. I’m not as prepared as I want to be physically, but I’ll finish it. Compared to the marathon I did two weeks ago in Pen y Fan, this will be heaven. That was hell. I got lost at the end of it – I ended up five miles in the wrong direction.”

He said it will be “bittersweet” when he finishes it, but he is comforted by the fact that he’s doing it for his son.

He added: “I know from doing all this it’s for Jude. It’s something that’s kept me going and taking part in it feels like I’m doing something for him.”

To make a donation go to www.justgiving.com/fundraising/race4jude2