‘I’m determined that no teenager should go through what I did’

IWAS in year 7 when I first encountered bullying in what is possibly its mildest form. I was called “ugly”, a simple word which rolls so easily off the tongue but had the power to completely destroy my confidence. I was in Year 8 when I was reminded of my awkwardness and the fact that I was “lanky” as the gang of chicken nuggetthrowing boys told me.

It was the beginning of Year 10 when I attempted to re-establish myself by starting to play rugby for a local team, only to be faced with queries from grossly overconfident boys about my sexuality, and how playing a predominantly male sport had to make me a “lesbian”. It didn’t, just so you know.

It all added up and these singular seemingly unimportant events all affected me in their own way.

It was the being called ugly in Year 7 which destroyed my body confidence and meant I was unable to catch my own gaze when I looked into a mirror.

The event in Year 8 is what made me conscious about my height and why I always walked with a slight slouch, never allowing my height to reach its full potential.

The personal line of questioning in Year 10 is what made me question if playing rugby was the right thing for me.

Year 8 was an interesting one, a lot of things happened to me. It was in Year 8 when my self-hatred reached its boiling point.

I began self-harming, I would bite the inside of my lip until it bled, it was so discreet that I could do it anywhere and it happened on a regular basis.

A teacher found out about it following a breakdown I had during a lesson about self-harming, and I was soon involved in regular counselling within the school environment.