‘Family life fell apart whe I was diagnosed with PTSD’
A VETERAN has told of his experiences with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), which left him moments away from taking his own life.
Paul Mathias joined the Royal Auxiliary at the age of 16, and was deployed to Germany before five tours of Northern Ireland.
He left the armed forces at the age of 35, but during that time he had seen many friends killed and many scenes which caused him distress.
The 47-year-old of Bridgend said: “Incidents would happen, not only on operation tours, but other exercises, people have passed away from RTAs and stuff like that.
“When you’re in the forces you digest that, but you don’t want to talk about it because you don’t want to let the team down, and you hide a lot of mental health problems with alcohol. I was drinking quite a bit when I came out of the forces at 35.”
After leaving the Army, Paul, originally from Swansea, joined the Ministry of Defence police guard service and worked guarding St Athan for a number of years before becoming employed by the now-defunct Crusaders Rugby League Club.
While the club was originally based in Bridgend, Paul lost his job when it moved to Wrexham which led to the father-of-four having a nervous breakdown.
He said: “I have known people who have had breakdowns from stresses at work, the loss of a loved one or losing their job, it can happen in lots of different ways.
“It refocuses your brain from the here and now back to what you experienced in the forces, and it’s like opening up a file cabinet in the back of your brain.”
In 2009, Paul was diagnosed with PTSD but he still struggled to deal with the condition and his relationship broke down.
He said: “As far as my family life is concerned, as soon as I got diagnosed it started falling apart, but it started to make sense why I was feeling angry.
“My relationship broke down but my children’s mother has been very understanding of it, and fair play she has supported me and the kids and helped as much as possible. I now have a girlfriend, Sharon, who is also very understanding of my condition.
“If it wasn’t for my children, a few times, I wouldn’t be here. I have been sat down at Ogmore by the Sea, moments away from taking my own life.
“When you’re in that place at that time it’s difficult, but it takes having to admit there’s a problem and that you need help, you need support and you shouldn’t be ashamed to ask for it, but a lot of people are ashamed.
“You tend to lock yourself away and isolate yourself, which isn’t good for anyone. You’re having the flashbacks and night terrors, your anxiety levels are high, even when your mail come through the door it puts you on edge.”
Paul was later put in touch with charity Combat Stress and underwent a number of counselling sessions to help him cope with his PTSD. He also received help and support from charity Walking With The Wounded.
While PTSD is an incurable condition, Paul now feels like he has tools which enable him to cope better with the condition.
On Friday, he undertook a 34-mile walk from Cardiff to Neath to raise money for Walking With The Wounded, along with fellow veteran Chris Thomas.
He said: “I have been brought up to give and take and it’s good to give as well as take.
“When I was at my lowest there was a charity there and it was the support I needed at that time, and for me and Chris we were just laughing all the way through the walk, you have got to be level-headed. It was amazing.
“Chris feels the same as me about supporting veterans and their families, especially at this time of year, it’s difficult for them.
“A lot of veterans have survivors’ guilt at this time of year where their friends have gone or passed away while serving or from suicide since. It’s a moving time for veterans. We’ve raised £640 so far that will pay for a veterans’ counselling.
“If I have helped one veteran this Christmas, that makes me feel good about myself.”
Visit https://www.justgiving. com/fundraising/paul-mathias to donate to Paul’s fundraising campaign for Walking With The Wounded.