Shadow of domestic abuse is hanging over our society

THERE is nothing more surprising doing my job than surprises.

The role is all about speaking to people, trying to understand them and tell their stories.

Many of these stories are wonderful and heartwarming, some are inspiring; many more are horrific.

In a relatively short amount of time – I have only been a reporter for 20 months – you stop feeling the same shock at these horror stories. It is not that you don’t feel empathy and sympathy for the person, quite the opposite, it is just that familiarity dulls the impact these have on you personally.

It is probably similar to how experienced paramedics feel when arriving at an accident. What they are seeing is appalling to behold but they are professionals (not that I am saying I could even contemplate doing that incredible job).

That is why when something does leave you speechless, moved or slightly sick, it sticks with you.

In the last eight months I have written six pieces on domestic abuse featuring three different women. All three were living in the Cardiff/Vale area when the abuse happened and they were all different sides of the same issue of violence against women.

One, Jodie Tague, was the survivor in one of the first ever successful convictions for coercive control – a very new piece of legislation.

Another was a North American student who was violently raped in Cardiff city centre after a night out.

The third was Charlotte Rooks who lived through what the judge called one of worst ever cases of domestic abuse.

Having spoken to all these women there is one thing that is clear, they are not victims, they are survivors.

It was eight days ago when I last spoke to Charlotte. She spoke movingly in response to both a report on how police failed to notice the signs of her suffering, and how the perpetrator will be released from prison this month.

As I sat there listening to her talk about how her house hums with electricity from all the security devices she has installed I found myself in awe. I am not going to detail what she went through in this piece, 30 seconds on Google (other search engines are available) will tell you everything you need to know.

She was essentially tortured for weeks and is now talking to me about it as though she is reciting a delayed flight. As someone who still regales my friends with stories about the time I rolled my ankle playing football as though it is a Lord of the Rings style epic I can’t fathom her bravery.

I never cease to be surprised at the courage of these women but there is one thing that is never surprising.

The way the men perpetrate crimes like this is eerily similar for anyone who has read up on these types of cases.

If what they did wasn’t so horrible it would border on boringly repetitive.

There are similar themes that run through so many of these cases that it is like they have all read the same copy of Abusing Women for Dummies.

It is about power. In both Jodie and Charlotte’s cases their dogs were threatened. Their pet was a way to hurt and control them and it was used. In both cases they were pregnant. In both cases the men played the victim. They painted themselves as the poor partner who had been forced into this position by these inconsiderate women. In Jodie’s case she managed to record her abuser William Morton shouting “I am the victim here” as he spat on and hit her. In two of the three cases the abuser had drank alcohol. Two women are killed each week by a current or former partner in England and Wales. This is an epidemic of national importance. It is a societal problem that we all have a role and responsibility in tackling.

Domestic violence is not an inevitable byproduct of human society. It is disease that can be passed through the generations. It festers and multiplies behind closed doors and finds fertile ground when it is met with silence.

These women are victims, they have survived a horrific disease which they had the courage to speak about afterwards.

They have owned their suffering and, through telling their story, have made it easier for others to escape the same fates.

As a country we should be thanking them for their service as we would a survivor in a military conflict.