‘I presumed I’d never find love and no-one would ever love me’
IN March, Hannah Winterbourne entered Chelsea Register Office in a strapless lace-covered dress, clutching a bouquet of pink, white and blue flowers.
She left holding the hand of her new husband Jake.
The pair have huge beaming smiles, as any bride and groom would. But for Hannah and Jake, who are both transgender, the day was incredibly poignant.
Her first date with Jake was her first ever date and she had dreamed but never thought she would get married.
Hannah (now Graf), 31, is a captain with the Royal Electrical and Mechanical Engineers and is the highest-ranking transgender soldier in the British army. Her husband is a writer, director and actor who starred in the Danish Girl alongside Eddie Redmayne.
The pair met while doing public events for transgender advocacy.
In a very 21st Century romance, they became Facebook friends, sharing messages about their interests and “flirting quite badly”, Hannah says, before deciding to meet up.
They spoke on the phone before arranging to meet up on December 30, 2015, for their first date. The couple met at 2pm but didn’t go home until 1am, and changed their New Year’s Eve plans to have a second date the following day.
Hannah, who is originally from Cardiff, said she was “terrified” of the first date.
“I had never been on a date before but, by the end of 2014, I was at a point in my transition where I thought I wanted to share my life with someone else.
“Before that, I was so unhappy in my body and intimidated. It was the first time in my life I thought I should put myself out there.
“Jake is very attractive and charming but also transgender which took a lot of the pressure off. I didn’t have to deal with how he would feel, how or when to tell him or his parents.
“It just grew from there,” she said. “We just really clicked, got on and had a fun time.
“We had separate plans for New Year’s Eve but we both changed them to have a second date.”
She was working away from London so they tried to meet up at weekends.
It was on a holiday to New York in September 2017 that Jake proposed.
“I wasn’t entirely surprised. Jake had said to me quite early in the relationship that he wanted to get married and to have kids and I needed to be on board with that idea.
“So I wasn’t surprised and in the run up he had joked that if he did propose, would I say yes.”
It was on a boat in Central Park that Jake asked Hannah. They’d hired the boat for 30 minutes, but it took Jake a little longer to propose – so they overran their slot by another hour.
“He told me he had an important question and I knew at that moment and just burst into tears.
“It was very, very, romantic”, she says. “It was something that I had idealised and thought would be nice, especially as my friends started getting married. But I genuinely never thought it would happen for me.
“I presumed I would never find love and no-one would ever love me,” she says.
“It’s why we try to speak out about our relationship. I thought I couldn’t have love or have a family and it’s quite sad that I thought like that.
“We’re trying to show other people, including transgender people, that just because you’re different, you’re not unloveable.
“Everyone is entitled to love and fulfilled love.”
When they were arranging their wedding they knew there was media interest and decided to run the story with the Sun.
“We knew we could put something out with a paper like the Guardian which would be nice and lovely, but the readership are people who don’t need to get that message.
“It was about getting to a broader audience not just transgender people but those who would have never read a positive story about a transgender couple or individual.
“That was the genius of going to the Sun”.
They had approval of the copy and do not blame the journalist, but when the front page headline was ‘Tran and wife’ the pair felt betrayed, angry and upset.