Luck Gareth had’ Edwards’ shadow

came home. And I’d cry. Just cry my eyes out.”

There was no way back to union for Hopkins as a code-hopper. Life after rugby proved just as difficult.

Hopkins suffered a breakdown in his 50s. He began experiencing from panic attacks and lost all his hair from alopecia. He feared he was heading towards an early grave, like his father who died in his 50s.

It robbed him of a decade of his life, ruined his marriage and made even leaving the house difficult.

“Being in a house on your own, seeing nobody. It’s like purgatory.

“I’d get up at four in the afternoon and then hang around until one or two in the morning. Can’t go anywhere, feeling ill and going through the motions on my own.

“People don’t know how to handle you when you’re ill. They’ll shy away. Some would ask me to go places but I couldn’t go out anywhere. You don’t feel safe. Anyone that has had a breakdown suffers.”

Quite how Hopkins moved past his issues with mental health, he’s not really sure. Maybe it was the tablets he was on, maybe it was he “stopped caring about the things that drive you mad” but things got easier and easier until one morning he woke up feeling fine.

Seven years later and he says he’s never suffered a day since. His main focus is feeling well - nothing else, he admits, really matters.

Eventually, the moment comes to ask him outright. Is there a bitterness, a jealousy towards Edwards?

“It’s not jealousy,” he explains. “I never felt inferior playing against Gareth. I never had any problems against him, I suppose.

“He’s never done anything wrong with me. I do talk to him. I saw him coming into a garage about a year ago in Porthcawl.

“I could see him coming in so I hid behind the counter and jumped out on him! We had a good laugh.

“There’s no bitterness. We’re friends but there’s probably an element of envy - not jealousy.

“I’ve had other players better than me so why would there be jealousy? He might have done me a favour playing for Wales - I might have been out of the team after three games!”

It belies the jokes and digs he’s made towards Edwards so often throughout the afternoon but he seems genuine. Naturally, he thinks he deserved more of a shot – that desire to be the best, even if “it’s not true”, never leaves you – but as he admits himself, “when you’re young, you look at it differently”.

“But as you get older, you think what difference does it make? No one will remember you years from now.”

I leave not really knowing what Hopkins’ true thoughts are on Edwards and the perception he lived in his shadow. His emotions around the subject are complicated and mixed.

Perhaps it doesn’t matter either. You sense his frustration at not winning more caps, but everything points back to his time playing union being the happiest period of his life.

“I don’t miss the game but I do miss playing because you love the adulation,” adds Hopkins. “What’s better than someone coming up to you and saying ‘you did well’ or great job Chico.’

“The only downside is when you get older, you talk about yourself too much. You miss it so much, you want to test people to see if they remember you. And if they don’t, then that’s a big blow!

“You miss it so much. It’s no wonder so many ex-players have breakdowns because they miss playing. When everybody is all over you, it’s lovely but it doesn’t last. You want the adulation who wouldn’t?

“But I look back on my life and I’ve been a lucky person.

“Everyone has been marvellous to me. I’ve got good friends. I’ve had good friendships with pretty much all the players I’ve met.

“People I know have had nothing so I’ve been lucky. I have people I can rely on and have a laugh with. There’s no way I want to die! I love everything I’ve got.”

For now, life is good. He’ll still keep making jokes about Edwards or just anyone else he can think of. Some of them almost seem cathartic - a way of venting whatever frustrations he still holds deep down. The vast majority come off as a normal pensioner who cares only for his health and having a good time.

Ultimately, Chico will always be seen as the man who lived his life in the shadows.

But maybe he deserves more than that. Maybe he is the man who lived his life in the sunshine of adulation after all.