Raising children is a complicated business... and I’m a junior partner in ours
DOUBLE TROUBLE FOR A FIRST-TIME DAD OF TWINS
WE appear to have accidentally started a small business. An enterprise predominantly focused on the maintenance of twins. The nature of the work is varied and ranges from catering and cleanliness to transport and logistics.
Initially there was a flat management structure, where everyone worked alongside one another but a two-tier system, comprising of the workforce, me, and the management, Victoria, seems to have emerged.
My job involves the bins, carrying, bills, hoovering, moving furniture, food shopping, washing clothing, getting things from Tesco in darkness and the dish washing.
Recently, I was promoted to the more creative role of head chef for evening service. Lunch and breakfast remain under the remit of the individual and outside my domain.
Victoria holds responsibility for the twins’ food, operational control of all children’s clothing, ironing, manages hygiene and all childcare during Monday and Tuesday.
As well as those specific tasks, Victoria generally instructs me on day to day affairs and any lifestyle decisions involving the twins. This leadership was deemed necessary after I took Emma and Thomas into the outside world wearing sleepsuits. Another criticism of my performance involved dressing them in mismatching colours. Space is an ongoing concern due to the logistics operation.
We’ve distributed wipes, nappies and clothing throughout the house. Wherever you are, you’re never far from something to clothe or clean a baby. The downside to this is mostly aesthetic but the loss of the kitchen table under a pile of bodysuits and nappies is annoying.
As a new business, we understand the importance of mobility, so we have a fully assembled double buggy in the middle of the hallway at all times.
This is great for the speedy movement of the twins but terrible if you need to get out of the front door.
Unfortunately, the business is making a loss despite our best efforts. We’ve slashed costs by not leaving the house after 6pm or buying anything for ourselves but the overheads are creeping up.
Every exciting new stage in life brings with it a more expensive car seat, outfit or method of transport.
And we anticipate this situation to continue for at least another 18 years until we can restructure.
The most pressing issue within the business at the moment is managing downtime between the hours of 7pm to 10pm.
I find it difficult to switch off from work when I’m sharing a room with my line manager and suspect she’d replace me with a more professional candidate if she could.