‘I just wanted it to come out naturally’
STEPHEN Doughty says he came out “later than I would have liked to”.
Now 39, the Cardiff South and Penarth MP looks back and says he didn’t come out earlier “for a number of factors”.
“As always, there were personal reasons. My brother is gay and I always thought, ‘There can’t be two of us in the family.’
“I grew up in a loving, caring family but in a quite conservative Vale background... In any small or medium town it’s more difficult. I saw homophobic bullying in school. I probably realised in school, but never thought or acted on it.”
At university, he dated girls, telling himself “it was a phase” and “somehow, you’ll change”, but he admits knowing he was lying to himself – and them.
As he focused on his career, becoming a MP was a distant goal.
“I always thought I’d give it a go at some point but maybe in my mid-40s. I was focused on humanitarian work and social justice. Obviously you come across the LGBT community in that line of work, both globally and in the UK.
“I had a lot of LGBT friends and sometimes they would ask me, and I would try to brush it off. I was – and am – a practising Christian and anyone who has religion in their life knows it’s complex.”
He says he decided he couldn’t fight it any longer and decided he wanted to come out.
“Over a period, I came out to different friends, my brother, my family, but I wanted to do that when I was in a relationship or dating so that it was something more real, not just a theory.
“My family have been wonderful and it’s never been an issue. The same with the overwhelming majority of friends, but I did have some sad episodes with a couple of friends, including a few religious friends who made clear that, while they liked me, they thought it was something incompatible with biblical teachings.”
When the chance to become MP for Cardiff South and Penarth came around, he knew the hometown gig was too hard to pass. He also knew there was a likelihood he’d be asked about his sexuality – knowing he would be asked publicly, he wanted to “go through that in my own head first”.
He was reluctant to become a “celebrity gay candidate”.
“I just wanted it to come out naturally,” he said. As it happened, he was never asked in his selection, or on the doorsteps. That was, he says, a chance available to him because of the “pioneers” who went before him.
“Colleagues and pioneers like Chris Bryant and others went through a very different experience 15 years earlier.”
But even Mr Bryant – himself a gay MP – hadn’t twigged. Stephen recalls that when equal marriage was being discussed in the Commons he was approached by Rosie Winterton – as chief whip – and Chris. They wanted Stephen to respond to Tory Sir Edward Leigh.
“They asked me to do it because I was a Christian straight ally. I laughed and said I can do it for two of those reasons, but not the third.”
In the years that have followed, he’s made a point of referencing those who have helped him – family, friends, constituents.
“It’s a great opportunity to do it, but it’s up to everyone to make sure that they’re out.
“There’s still a number of MPs and Lords who aren’t out and I don’t blame them because everyone has to make their own choices. But it’s still sad that anyone has to go through that.”
But he hopes times are changing. He’s co-chair of Labour’s LGBT Group. There are no trans members – but with trans candidates making their way through the selection process, he doesn’t think it will be long.
Currently, his personal mission is to promote mental health in the LGBT community.
“I still don’t think that we understand the mental health impact and the challenges facing generally younger LGBT people.
“We need to do much more to make sure services are there and services that understand the challenges and context because if we fail to deal with these issues it can lead to devastating consequences later in life.”