ASK THE EXPERT

Q

WHEN I tell my 15-year-old son to do his homework, he often ignores me or does something completely different. Is there a better way for me to speak to him?”

A

PROFESSOR Silke Paulmann, pictured below, a psychologist from the University of Essex, has co-authored a study into how adolescents aged 14-15 respond to their mother’s tone of voice when receiving instructions. She says: “Getting children to engage with their schoolwork is a common challenge and there are many ways parents use verbal communications to motivate their child.

“Very little research has focused on the role a parent’s tone of voice plays in motivating their child.

“In an ideal world, you’d motivate your son to complete his schoolwork by appealing to his natural desire to experience choice and psychological freedom in his thinking and acting. That is, you adopt a supportive motivating style in which you aim to build in choice (‘see your friends for a little while and then do your homework, or do your schoolwork first and then see your friends’), or if this isn’t possible, offer a meaningful rationale (eg ‘Doing well in your GCSEs will open doors’).

“Crucially, avoid creating a controlling motivating climate (eg avoid saying, ‘You have to’, or, ‘You must’, and instead replace with, ‘You may’, or, ‘You can’).

“At Cardiff University and the University of Essex we recently conducted a study with 14-15-yearold teenagers who listened to identical messages delivered by mothers in either a controlling, supportive, or neutral tone of voice. Results showed the teenagers who listened to mothers making motivational statements in a controlling tone responded in undesirable ways, whereas those who listened to supportive tones were more likely to cooperate and put effort into the requests.

“The overriding message is that, if parents want conversations with their teens to have the most benefit, it’s important to use a supportive style of communication. Relying too much on controlling or pressuring-sounding styles may lead to your teen rebelling against you.

“Finally, using a soft tone of voice when communicating with your teenager will also make them feel more cared about and happier, so it has even more benefits than getting their schoolwork done.”