‘I was going to different shops on the way to work and buying food in every one of them’
BEFORE his father died, Oliver Townsend was already at breaking point.
Years of constant taunts about his disability and sexuality from bullies in school had smashed his self confidence into tiny pieces.
As he tried to battle those inner demons, he sought solace in the one thing that gave him joy – food.
His binge eating, which began as a youngster, then worsened when he got to university.
But his fondness for fast food and takeaways while studying for his degree was only the beginning.
When he was 28, his dad Ed – who he had always looked up to and adored – died after suffering from a short illness at the age of 64.
It was then that Oliver’s eating habits really spiralled out of control.
“(I was) going to different shops on the way to work, about three to four, and buying food in every single one of them,” he said.
“It didn’t leave a lot of food for other things really. There was this feeling of it helps in the initial moment, or it feels like it can help.
“But then afterwards, the guilt and shame just came back 100 times what it was before.”
An open and proud gay man, Oliver explained how a combination of bullying in school and his disability affected his mental health growing up.
Having a difficult time coming out to peers, food became Oliver’s way of “absorbing” some of that emotional baggage.
Suffering from Talipes – also known as club foot – and going through several operations, Oliver’s bullying in school over his sexuality and the pain he was in first led him to finding comfort in food.
“It’s a genetic condition that makes it hard to walk. One of the risks is arthritis and muscle pain,” Oliver explained.
“I had started to be bullied a little for it. With being gay, I found out when I was in a Catholic school and I wanted to be a priest.
“I just hated it, and I couldn’t think of anything worse.
“I think the kids sensed this was this weakness there, so there was a lot of name calling and pushing.
“It was small scale, but it was constant. I felt very isolated and alone.
“So for me, food became a safer way for absorbing some of that emotional baggage. There’s a big focus on shame that people in the LGBT+ feel.
“And I think when you feel shame, that makes you feel really trapped. Alone, I think people will do anything they possibly can to make themselves feel better.”
Coming out to his parents, he said his family were always supportive but like any family had a “journey to go on”.
Despite the bullying in school around his sexuality and disability, Oliver always had his family to count on.
“My dad was really happy to know I was engaged to my husband before he died, and Harry is a big part of the family”.
Sharing a bond and passion for politics, Oliver credits his dad for encouraging him to engage in debates and campaigning.
“Our bond was around lots of things really. We did bond a lot around politics and campaigning, and we used to challenge each other a lot and debate ideas”, he explained.
“But also other things like Doctor Who, creative writing, travelling, history and loads more. We were very close as a whole family”.
And with that support and encouragement, Oliver did his parents proud by starting at Cardiff University in 2008, finishing with a degree in politics.
However, while gaining self-confidence in his academic achievements, the young film fan began to feel anxious about moving away from home and the fear of whether he was going to fit in.
“I think I’d always used food as a coping mechanism, but it was never sort of noticeable. It became very quickly apparent when I was in university that it was an issue.
“(At the time) I was working in a call centre at the time, spending most of the money I was earning on either takeaways or other kinds of food really.”
Oliver began dieting courses which didn’t address the core of the problem – his mental health.
Then in 2016, his father died. He said: “After dad died, there was probably about a year and a half where it got really bad and that’s what prompted me to get the help.
“It wasn’t a contributing factor to the eating disorder, but it definitely made it worse.”
He was eventually advised by various health professionals that he was suffering from Binge Eating Disorder, a rare and sometimes overlooked category of disorders.
Similar to bulimia, it’s an area Oliver argues there “hasn’t had anywhere near” enough research.
To make matters worse, he says, mental health services – including eating disorder services – are also overwhelmed because of a lack of funding.
Oliver has decided to speak about his experiences in the hope it will help others as well as shine a light on eating disorders.
Earlier this month, he bravely penned a soul-baring online article as part of Eating Disorder Awareness week.
The 33-year-old, who lives in Newport with his husband, and is the Liberal Democrats’ Senedd candidate for Islwyn, described the public statement as “one of the hardest things to write.”
“I’ve got two very close, dear friends who have struggled with eating disorders”, he added.
“In my head, I have always said that if I was ever in any kind of public facing position, where my speaking out would make a difference, I would do that.
“I am standing as an openly gay disabled man with a trans husband. I want to demonstrate to men, women and non-binary people across Wales that their politicians are people just like them.”
Looking towards the future, Oliver hopes to see more funding and research allocated to help support people suffering from eating disorders in Wales and hopes his story inspires people to look for help.
“It’s about funding, the campaigns around obesity and really making sure they’re fit for purpose,” he said.
“Whether I’m successful or not, people should know that there are people in all walks of life who experience eating disorders and who cope with them and live with them.
“I hope (this) gets more people talking about it and hopefully the Welsh Government will take action after the elections in May.”
The Welsh Government insisted it has continued to invest in eating disorder services and since 2017.
A spokesman said: “Health boards have received an additional £2.5m to support improvements.
“We have also appointed a National Clinical Lead for Eating Disorders to help implement transformational changes to services across Wales.
“As part of our wider package of support in response to Covid-19, we have provided additional funding to BEAT to expand its valuable support in Wales.
“We have also revised our Together for Mental Health Delivery Plan. It includes actions to improve support for those living with eating disorders.”
If you or someone you know is suffering from an eating disorder, you can contact the BEAT helpline on 0808 801 0677 or the mental health charity Mind on 0300 123 3393.