If the truth hurts, try white lies
THERE are those who say money makes the world go round, but that’s nonsense.
It’s lies that keep us going.
I don’t mean big, fat whoppers such as ‘of course I haven’t gambled the mortgage money away’ or ‘you’ve found a receipt for a hotel in Paris in my pocket? How did THAT get there?!’
No, I mean those little fibs, barely perceptible, that we all tell and which frankly oil the passage of our days, making them marginally more bearable for everyone.
I don’t condone lying. Persistent liars should be avoided at all costs – and should never be elected into government. Lying in court, to the police and your mother is never acceptable.
Yet the fact is sometimes the truth hurts.
And if we told the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth all the time, in every single instance to every single question, it would be chaos. Marriages would break, friendships crumble, careers fold.
For instance: “That steak was cooked to perfection” is a perfectly fine fib to tell your partner even if you could re-sole your shoe with the meat. They’ve done their best. Be grateful.
“Are your grey roots showing? Pah! Barely noticeable,” is also the required response to your mate’s hair crisis despite the fact they look like a badger that’s had a battle with a tin of white emulsion.
And my personal favourite: “I have no idea why it’s so warm in this house” serves to sooth the bill payer’s nerves. The truth will result in a row and you can turn the thermostat back up again once they’ve gone back out.
It doesn’t actually matter if the other person suspects you’re lying – it’s the fact you’ve been thoughtful enough to swerve confrontation they’ll appreciate.
Of course not all fibs are for the best. “I’ll call you right back” always amuses me because if it’s someone official they almost certainly won’t.
Same with “you really don’t have to get me a gift” because if you take them at their word and you don’t, there’ll be murder.
But generally little white lies are harmless.
I was pondering this as I read a recent report by The Radio Times which found over half of us have been dishonest about watching a TV show in order to impress others. Top of the lying league was the Netflix series Stranger Things followed by Breaking Bad and Game of Thrones.
The only surprise here is that the figure is so low. Given telly is the only thing we had to occupy us for months on end, it’s now the hot topic of conversation. Nobody wants to feel left out. I suspect people did the same about Shakespeare’s plays. Of course you have to think fast on your feet to lie as I learned having spent my forties regularly shaving a couple of years off my true age.
That was until my mates met someone I used to go to school with, did the maths and realised I was older than I looked.
It’s right what they say – the truth will set you free. But first it will make you miserable.