See you in the cheap seats!
GOOD news for fans of earsplitting action films, industrial size buckets of popcorn and three-gallon bottles of pop. Some cinemas could be re-opening.
I’ve got mixed feelings about this, because although I enjoy seeing films in a cinema, people’s selfish behaviour often ruins the experience.
To recreate the ‘genuine cinema experience’ watching films on TV, my partner sits behind me and kicks the back of my chair and I send text messages during the
quiet scenes.
This past year, film studios have held back their big releases, so a major streaming service which rhymes with Wet Sticks offered to buy the new James Bond adventure after its cinema release was delayed yet again.
But the canny Bond people refused to sell them No Time To Die, knowing that when cinemas reopen and millions around the world flock to see it, they’ll make a return on their enormous investment.
The current monster mash-up “Godzilla Vs Kong” is getting a cinema and streaming release and when I first read about the 100ft radiation-breathing dinosaur taking on a 30ft gorilla in unfair combat, I was reminded of a film I saw listed in the TV schedules last year… “Airplane vs Volcano” which, surprisingly lasts more than one minute.
A metal aeroplane taking on a massive volcano spewing moulten lava – there can only be one outcome, surely?
If you’ve been brave enough to sit through it, let me know if I’m wrong.
The newly re-edited, extended four-hour director’s cut of the already bumnumbingly long Justice League has sparked a debate about which films might be improved by reediting.
For example . . . Every Will Ferrell film could be improved if all the scenes he appears in were edited out.
In a re-edited Mrs Doubtfire, Robin Williams’s hideous (and so obvious) Halloween
rubber mask – which would have given his kids nightmares – could be swapped for a more realistic ‘old lady’ make-up job. And he could drop the terrible ‘Scoor-tesh’ accent.
While the end of Titanic could be improved if Rose told the people in the lifeboat “Cwtsh up, folks, and make room for Jack!”
See you in the cheap seats!