HOW UNUSUAL PHOBIA IS RUINING MUM’S LIFE
WHEN Emma Davies was in her 20s she loved nothing more than going out and socialising with friends.
But for the past decade, the now 35-year-old’s life has been completely turned upside down by her severe and crippling phobia of vomit. It has made the mum-of-one from Swansea entirely housebound for the past two years and causes her to suffer at least six panic attacks every day.
“A lot of people are scared of sick, or being sick, but it doesn’t get to the point where it takes over their life,” she said.
“But it affects every minute of my life and I haven’t laughed properly in the past few years. The depression has gotten to me so badly that I hardly leave my room. It takes over my life to the point where I can’t go out – it’s a lot more than just scared of sick. It’s constantly on my mind, it affects me every minute of the day.”
Emma said she’d always found sick unpleasant, like most people, but it had never got out of hand until she noticed it affecting her job 12 years ago. For the past eight years, she says, the phobia has completely taken over her life. She said: “It’s the thought of seeing, hearing or smelling sick, anything like that, that affects me. I started having anxiety and an issue with sick around 12 years ago when I worked at the Disney store at Swansea Quadrant.
“I started having panic attacks at work, which scared me a bit, and also on the bus on the way to work because I was feeling sick. It meant I had to leave work, which was hard because I had worked ever since I left school.
“Gradually over the years it got worse and worse to the point where I haven’t left my house in two years and I have at least six panic attacks every single day. The only time I left my home two years ago was to go to the doctor’s up the road.”
Emma, who lives in Ravenhill, says her panic attacks are triggered by various everyday tasks that most people would be able to do without thinking about.
“I have them just before I cook, after I cook, after I’ve eaten and other little things like that”, she said.
“I don’t eat breakfast and I don’t eat dinner, I just have tea because I know I’m going to have a panic attack after I’ve eaten. I could be lying in bed and might feel something in my throat and then start having a panic attack over the emetophobia [the medical term for fear of vomiting]. It ruins my life.
“As soon as I step outside I get this fear that I’m going to vomit or I’m going to see someone vomit. My stomach has gone really sensitive and just seeing someone spit can start my panic attack off.”
One of the most heartbreaking aspects of her phobia is not being able to do things with her nineyear-old son.
She said: “I haven’t been able to enjoy his life with him because I haven’t been able to go to things like parks or beaches. He’s said he wishes I was better and that we could do stuff together and all I want is to be able to do stuff with him. I’d love to be able to go to the beach with him or even the shop – I have to do online shopping.”
It even meant she struggled to visit her father in hospital before he died three years ago. She said: “My dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. All the time he was in hospital I only managed to see him once, four days before he died, which is something I’m disappointed with myself about.”
Emma has tried numerous times to get the help she needs to be able to live a normal life. She has had cognitive behavioural therapy (a type of counselling) as well as a psychotherapy called eye movement desensitisation and repossessing.
However, she said no therapy had worked so far and her phobia had continued to worsen to the point where she hardly leaves her bedroom, which is her comfort zone.
She has set up a Gofundme page to help her raise money to see a hypnotherapist based in London who specialises in emetophobia.
“I’ve had a consultation with him and he seems to really understand my emetophobia, but I can’t afford to take it further. It costs £3,000,” she said.
She said it breaks her heart thinking about all the things she could be missing out on and remembering the life she once had, and she hopes seeing the hypnotherapist will change her life for the better.
She added: “I’d love to be able to go out for a picnic, take my son out with my mum and I’d love to go on holiday with my friend.
“I’d love to see my nanna and grandpa more because they’re getting older now. My granddad is 81 and he helps whenever he can by taking my son to school. It would just be nice to join in with my friends and family again – they have been so supportive.
“I put off seeing friends and family because I know I can’t get over my panic attacks of being around people. I don’t see many people apart from my mum.
“I can only be in someone’s company for a short amount of time and when my mother comes to visit I sometimes have to ask her to go downstairs while I have to get over a panic attack because I feel sick.
“My family, especially my mum, granddad and son, have been so helpful and supportive and I don’t want to keep feeling like I’m a rubbish mum or a burden on the family, and I would love to have myself back to a bubbly, excited outgoing person again.”
‘‘ The depression has gotten to me so badly that I hardly leave my room
- Emma Davies