Club’s vital question on violence against women
A RUGBY club has been widely praised for taking a proactive approach in trying to prevent violence against women.
Kidwelly RFC has 19 boys in its under-15s section, prompting the club to publicly ask what it can do to positively influence the young men in its charge.
In the wake of Metropolitan Police officer Wayne Couzens being jailed for the kidnap, rape and murder of Sarah Everard, public discourse has highlighted many things women have to consider to try to stay safe, such as being discouraged from walking alone at night, carrying keys as a form of defence, and telling loved ones their location.
But it’s widely accepted there needs to be a focus on how men’s attitudes can shift to prevent and stamp out behaviour which may escalate to domestic violence.
Kidwelly RFC’S request has been hailed as a fantastic example of taking responsibility for the development of young boys, teaching respect and being proactive.
In a public request on Twitter, the club’s under-15s team manager Julian Lloyd asked: “OK, serious question here. We have 19 boys who we have some sort of influence over. How do we help prevent violence against women? #Enoughisenough.”
The post received hundreds of comments and thousands of likes.
Responses covered issues including peer pressure, social pressure, understanding consent, pornography and challenging toxic masculinity. One reply said: “Teach them it’s OK to show emotion, so that violence – including threatening language and name-calling – isn’t their only outlet for fear, rejection, sadness, weakness, shame. That’s the key. So that if a woman says ‘no’ they can feel the emotion with no shame and talk about it with a mate and not hurt/punish the woman.”
Another said: “Talk to them about porn. They will be watching it and a simple search for porn on Google will lead them to hard core stuff where violence and rape is normalised.”
Another suggested training alongside girls and playing mixed touch rugby, while a separate response said: “Forming friendships between girls and boys, based on common interests and respect, had a very positive outcome. Once the lads connect emotionally and non-sexually with girls, they see things differently.”
“Have them listen to women, read our words, our stories, our experiences,” another response said. “Why? Because so many boys don’t ever feel the fear we do, they can’t imagine it. They need to hear and understand how we feel and why we feel that way. We are their sisters, mothers, friends. They need to know.”
Another respondent highlighted: “We need to move past the idea that men should only care about women because they are someone’s daughter/sister/mother etc. Their value is inherent, not linked to their relationships. Men need to respect women simply because they are people.”
The club thanked everyone for their contributions after being inundated with resources and practical advice.
“The response has been overwhelming and humbling,” the club said.
“We have always seen our ‘mission’ in this team to develop resilient, good men who will be a credit to themselves and their families and communities. We are far from perfect, but we try. We do challenge inappropriate behaviour, but try to do it in a supportive way.
“I am constantly surprised by this group of boys. They are good people trying to find their way in the world. We want to equip them with the tools to stand up for themselves and challenge injustice where they can.”