Experiences of maternity leave . . . and learning to make the most of it

NOW, it’s been a while since I’ve been on maternity leave. The first time around, when I had Archie (over six years ago, can you believe), I genuinely spent the first four months in a state of shock; with greasy hair, pyjamas that doubled up as leisure wear and a slightly dependant relationship on tuna and pasta. I know this, because there isn’t one video of him until he reached 14 weeks… I mean THAT’S how thrown I was by motherhood. In all its glory and wonderous state, I was indeed… shell-shocked. But in the best way possible, as most mums will understand. That weird, crying, tired, delirious, full of love and equally full of sheer terror kind of shell-shock.

Fast forward six-and-a-half years and here I am. On maternity leave for the second time and thrown back into the ‘maternity’ bubble.

There are definitely some things I’ve remembered about maternity leave; as well as the things I’ve learned about being on maternity leave with two children to keep alive and look after.

1YOU spend the first bit of maternity leave, well, not feeling very overly maternal. It’s all a bit stressful and tense and you’re not quite into the swing of things with a newborn again and it just seems like a bit of a rollercoaster that you’re not really strapped in that well for. I remember though, how those maternal feelings start to take over and little by little that very first ‘fog’ starts to dissipate in a few days and it all becomes, well maternally second nature. 2

YOU think you’ll have ALL the time to do ALL the things. Before maternity leave started (bearing in mind I’ve done this before), I planned all the things I’d do this time around. Make cakes for Archie for when he comes home from school, go for 10-mile walks to get fit and healthy. Use the Watt Bike that I’ve been promising to use now for over a year and my activity time on it still equals about 20 minutes. I thought I’d sit and have cuddles, go for coffee with friends and catch-up with people I haven’t seen in ages. In reality, my maternity leave so far has existed of the school run (that actually takes up 40% of my day by the time Archie is actually ready to leave in the am, and by the time I’ve detangled all his jumpers, coats, hats and lunch boxes and the like from his bag! Also add in dressing Rose to go on the school run, and it becomes two very large portions of the day. The other couple of hours either side of that day involve going to Tesco to pick up nappies and wipes, changing Rose, getting her to nap, then getting her to nap again when you put her down and she wakes up screaming because you dared move her from your chest for longer than 20 seconds. The day is also taken up with filling and then emptying the dishwasher, making five cups of coffee and having approximately three sips from each one! I have managed the odd walk, but to be honest, I’m usually so exhausted from carting the two kids off to Archie’s swimming, football, rugby, parties, the park after school (the list continues) that I walk for about an hour and then go to Tesco again to buy the largest tray of Yo Sushi! ever to compensate for the tiredness! In a nutshell, I thought I’d have loads of time, but this time around… I have less time I think than if I was working. Life is busy with two kids! 3

THE baby’s sensory classes are pretty much made up of the floodlights at the football training ground on a Tuesday night and listening to Archie read his school books! I go to one class on a Monday morning with my friend Nicola, but other than that, my maternity leave is made up of being a full-time PA to my kids who have a far busier lifestyle than me. 4

YOU start counting down until maternity leave finishes. Last time, with Archie, I didn’t actually go back to work until he was just over two years old. This time around, I’m due back in December (and I can’t wait); but I have been doing that thing where I’m like ‘oh it’s 12 weeks left…’ then it’s eight weeks, and you get consumed in counting down the time until you’re back a work. I am loving being off work with the kids, but it’s always a ‘thing’ in the background, where you start forward thinking to going back to work, and it has a risk of detracting from the ‘now.’ I’m a big believer in living in the moment, but I guess, with this one, I need to practice what I preach a little more! 5

YOU think you’ll save money. What a joke. Firstly… statutory maternity pay (say no more). And then, all the ‘nipping,’ ‘popping’ and ‘dashing’ to here there and everywhere starts to add up. Then let’s not discount the fact you have a new baby who absolutely needs that three-pack of dusky rose unicorn printed babygros from Next and who definitely needs three different types of bottles because she’s a fussy little madam who won’t take a bottle and therefore nearly every penny of your maternity pay is now going on Tommee Tippee bottles, Mam bottles, Minbie bottles and, of course, all the dummies that go with them. I forgot babies are expensive… and maternity leave means a few more hours in the week where you can go and buy an extra-large hot chocolate and muffin because you’re so tired you might actually cry! 6

IT goes SO quickly. I forgot that before you even have time to blink it’s all over. And you are back to the hustle and grind of work and juggling the kids. I always have a tendency to take on too much (the pitfalls of being a ‘yes’ person), so I’m trying my hardest to make the most of these days where I can have cuddles and nap time without scrolling work emails and taking calls. Rose is already nearly four months and I can’t believe it… Archie is six-and-a-half and it’s flying by quicker than last time. I want to take a moment to just breathe it all in and try to savour every moment; even the ones where Rose cries relentlessly and Archie won’t get off his ipad when I ask him to!