Dear annemarie...
Anne-marie Lear is an experienced counsellor who has helped many people overcome struggles including mental health issues, bereavement, isolation and relationship problems. Here she offers guidance on a range of readers’ issues MY partner of five years has a very successful career and has recently been offered a secondment that would lead to a significant promotion, I understand it will take her to new heights and I’m so proud of her achievements. However, it means she’ll have to move away for approximately two years and I’m dreading it. I admire and respect her ambition but have become unable to sleep with constant irrational thoughts that lower my mood. I think I’m questioning our relationship and where we are heading. I’ve always had her in the vision for my future and I suppose want the comfort of knowing that nothing will change between us, but I shy away from emotional things as I just can’t explain how I feel. I don’t want to make this about me as I don’t want to make her feel I’m not happy for her because I am, but imagining my life without her in it really troubles me. Can you offer any advice on how I can deal with this please? Ade
ALTHOUGH you’ve been together for quite some time I sense there are obstacles that hold you back from being entirely transparent in the relationship and this stops you seeking the reassurance you need to know where your relationship is heading.
Once communication breaks down, and you can no longer read each other, it becomes very difficult to maintain a strong connection. I believe you’re proud of her achievements and don’t want to rain on her parade but I also sense you’re treading on eggshells, afraid you may cause upset if you say you’re experiencing a sense of isolation or rejection as she plans to move away. I hear you seeking comfort in the knowledge that your relationship remains secure. You say that long term you see yourselves in the same picture, yet I see greater effort being given to professional success, and less consideration given to the welfare of your relationship and emotional needs.
I wonder if you have considered moving with her, or finding an arrangement that suits you both so you can be together? It will mean making changes, but it would keep you close. Have you told her you don’t want to lose sight of each other and want to hold on to the love you share and treasure, which you see as part of your future? Time and effort must be invested in a relationship if it is to remain close. You shouldn’t feel you need to be apologetic, or feel you’re changing the narrative, being afraid to speak the truth now may mean the relationship will experience discord in the future. This is your love, and your future that you’re fighting for, it’s important you feel confident enough to strive to keep it. Whilst your partner can be proud of her achievements, your needs are also important and must be considered.
It’s my belief that a truly loving relationship often requires sacrifice, and this is the hallmark of genuine love. When both partners step up to make changes that include mutual investment in the relationship, it creates an equal balance leading to greater happiness, respect, and a stronger bond. Knowing that a sacrifice has been made for a relationship to survive brings many couples closer and I’m sure it would secure the future you are hoping to achieve.