Planning for a final farewell
Death seems to be the hardest word…
In communities where cultural or religious traditions are strong, people don’t worry about their funeral.
They know that when the time comes those closest to them will know what to do – custom and duty will see to it that things are done properly.
In communities where traditions have been left behind, dying people have no such assurance. When death happens, unless they have been told, those closest to them won’t necessarily have a clue what to do.
If those closest to you do not know how you want to be cared for before and after death, you will need to tell them.
Making a plan for your funeral is, understandably, something we never really want to get round to.
Dying for most of us is going to be not a sudden event but a lengthy process.
Here are some of the things to consider when planning your final farewell to help ease a little of the burden for your loved ones.
•Time to put your affairs in order.
•How you are looked after in your last days.
•Who will speak and act for you when you can no longer do so for yourself. •Where you die. •The way you die.
•Whether or not your organs are recycled.
•How your body will be cared for or to whom it will be donated.
•How your body will be disposed of (burial or cremation).
•Who you would like to be told that you are dead. •Your funeral ceremony. A plan like this spans several separate professional domains, each of which is colonised by its own specialists – solicitors, will writers, financial advisers, medics, undertakers, celebrants and caterers.
The only person who can join them all up is you.
However reluctant they are, you will need to try to talk to those closest to you about how you would like to make your exit because, if you want them to be your advocates, you’ll need their active involvement.
Tell them that if they truly love you they will listen. Tell them that, when you can no longer speak for yourself, you will urgently need them to be there to speak and act for you.
In the face of any initial reluctance you need to be persuasive because you need their agreement.
You need to negotiate face to face in order to reach an understanding. You need to listen and, perhaps, give ground.
It makes good sense to keep all your end-of-life paperwork together.