‘I didn’t feel like a person, – my identity was kept from me’ Domestic violence survivor tells of cyber-stalking ordeal

AMAN who was cyber-stalked by a controlling and violent girlfriend has described his ordeal as a legal reform means domestic abusers could face tougher sentences if they use technology against their victims.

Domestic violence survivor Brian, who has asked that we did not use his real name, suffered at the hands of an abuser who escalated from tracking his phone to beating him up.

He believes his former partner might have been stopped earlier if tougher legal provisions had been place.

On Thursday, a new domestic abuse sentencing guideline came into force, covering a range of offences including assault, sexual offences, harassment and criminal damage.

The new guideline aims to ensure the full scope of an offence is taken into account at sentencing, covering ‘psychological, sexual, financial or emotional abuse as well as violence’, the Sentencing Council has revealed.

For the first time sentencing guidelines will highlight that abuse does not just happen face to face - but can happen through social networking, email and tracking devices.

Speaking of his ordeal at the hands of his former partner, Brian said: “(My ex-girlfriend) looked into my phone, stopped specific relationships with females. I have always had female relationships, she stopped anything remotely female.

“You end up cutting off from people for a quiet life. I didn’t feel like a person, my identity was kept away from me.”

Brian says his partner used mobile phone technology to track where he was, learned all of his passwords so she could read messages and would even send abuse to his female Facebook friends.

She even taped their conversations so she could ‘trip’ him up, he said. He managed to escape after seeking help from a domestic abuse organisation, by which time the abuse had become physical.

“Even when we split up I wasn’t able to break free,” he said.

“I am a complete technophobe, but she was able to see where I was by something she had done to my phone.

“She knew the area I lived in. It was like a tracking thing was on it.”

He went on: “You feel firstly that you have allowed it to happen.

“You feel weak. I had nowhere to go.

“Even when I left, with help, I left with nothing.

“I went into a place with absolutely nothing.

“It is the most horrific of feelings, you feel like you don’t exist. You lose your sense of self.”

Describing the emotional abuse he endured, he said his abuser would come up with reasons as to why she acted a certain way, adding that it made him feel like he was going ‘mad’.

“When you are in that position you don’t realise, you almost justify their behaviour,” he added.

“Even when I had the physical injuries I would justify that by saying she didn’t mean it, she got too angry, it is because she loves me so much.

“It comes from all angles. The most extreme is the physical violence, but it is probably not the worst. It is when your self esteem becomes undermined.”

The Sentencing Council say it is expected ‘there will be an increase in sentence severity as a result of the introduction of the guideline’, while the guideline stresses the need to consider the ‘most appropriate sentence to prevent further reoffending and protect victims.’