WTF IS FACE ID?

I already know what my face looks like.

And soon Apple’s new iphone X will too. With the X’s home button having been given the ol’ headphone jack treatment, Face ID is the new way to unlock your preposterous-priced blower. After just a glimpse of your ugly mug, Apple’s new Face ID tech can tell whether a phone is being held by its rightful owner.

I knew that, obviously. So… how does it work again?

At the top of the screen on the iphone X, where the cut-out bit for the front-facing camera is, you’ll also find an IR camera, a dot projector, a proximity sensor, a flood illuminator and an ambient light sensor. These combine to scan your face every time you want to access your phone. The phone then compares those images to the map it holds of your face. If it’s a match, you’re in. Apple calls this a Truedepth camera system.

I’m a biosecurity traditionalist. Why have fingerprints gone out of fashion?

Touchid had a 1-in-50,000 chance of accepting the wrong fingerprint, according to Apple, whereas with Face ID it’s 1 in a million. That is unless you have an evil identical twin, in which case you might want to stick to using a passcode. Sorry, Phoebe from Friends, this phone just isn’t for you.

But does it really work?

Well, it failed during Apple’s on-stage demo at the launch, but it’d be very unlike Apple to introduce a new feature without being entirely confident in it. The flood illuminator is supposed to work in all light conditions, and the IR camera and dot sensor won’t need your face to be well lit to function either. Our biggest concern? Holding your phone in front of your face to read a text is far more hassle than just pressing the home button. Especially if you’re ‘discreetly’ texting in a work meeting.