Fun for all the family ...but not the players
WHAT FAMILY in their right mind would volunteer for a show called (ITV, Wednesday)? Thankfully, the Lees and the Clements did and were well up for potentially the most excruciating 30 minutes of their lives to further our amusement.
While this televised 11-plus had all the atmosphere of a will reading, it nonetheless made entertaining viewing. Chairing was The Chase’s Anne Hegerty who is receiving her recognition and reward from ITV for suffering the rigours of rice and beans in I’m A Celebrity for a fee significantly less than Noel Edmonds’s. At least now we know why she bothered.
She was actually very good flying solo without Bradley Walsh chuntering away in the background. “I’m the Governess Anne Hegerty and the pleasure is all yours!” Boom, boom! It’s tempting to call her the Queen of Mean but we all know who would win in a Harry Hill-style “fight” between Anne and the last holder of that title, Anne Robinson.
Hegerty may be tough but she occasionally has a lightness of touch – and she’s quick. Asked how he would spend the winning £25,000, one of the children replied: “On a trip to Australia!” Anne quipped: “You can get there cheaper than that!” Too true. You get ITV to pay for it.
So what was the show’s annoying catchphrase? Every game show needs one. In this case, it needed work. As each contestant returned from the podium after answering specialist questions, Anne would say: “Head back to your families!” But only if you got the question right...
The families were certainly combative, not least when the two children squared up to each other at the podium over the memory round. It was posh vs less posh.
And there can’t have been a grown-up viewer who didn’t feel for these two boys when they were faced with a row of 20 road signs then asked to regurgitate them in left-to-right order. Yes, headmistress. Gulp! It’s certainly one for parents to put children in front of to see whether they’re showing any signs of life after 16 hours of gaming every day.
I have no scientific proof of this but I believe that the Clements clan were the poshest family ever to appear on an ITV game show.
Mum and Dad, from the Home Counties, were respectively a chartered accountant and solicitor while their son James sported an accent that only good money can buy.
The most fascinating round for me was the “backwards timetable” which, if you’re a commuter, is how we believe all rail companies read timetables anyway.
Britain’s Brightest Family could be a sleeper hit or just put viewers to sleep. You can never tell. But the audience, at times, reacted like they’d been given free Temazepam on arrival.
Britain’s Brightest Family
ONE OF THE most curious shows of the week was (ITV2, Monday). Was this conceived by TV commissioning editors over a drunken lunch? If so, I hope they had a big hangover. I just didn’t get it. Not only did I recognise just one of the stand-ups – I need to get out more – but also the idea that the stories in their routines were acted out before our weary eyes was “extra”, as young people say.
Why? We have imaginations. The only
Sketch Show The Stand-Up
upside was that we got to hear Seann Walsh talk about a “girlfriend” and could have a bit of a giggle at his expense.
Not much of a giggle, admittedly, but then the standard of entertainment was equivalent to watching a real-effect gas fire in your living room.
Most of the routine from the Strictly bad boy centred on the apparent fuss we make over a dessert menu and why a cheese board is included in it. That’s as funny as chewing Stilton beyond its eat-by date.
Bonkers idea now, ITV: why not just make a show with young stand-ups rather than cheesy filming with bad actors? Include a top MC and you’re done – “It’s Monday Mic Night on ITV2”. There’s no charge for that idea, ITV.
MY FIRST thought on watching refugee drama (BBC4, last night) was: Why even go there, Australia? Starring Ewen Leslie, fresh from his triumph in The Cry, it tells the story of several well-heeled Queenslanders who are taking a yachting holiday in the East Timor Sea when they come across a refugee boat, becalmed after an engine fire.
The next thing you know, the Aussies are taking a vote on whether to tow it to a port. Then hours later, the tow rope is cut, or let go by forces unknown. Leslie again plays a morally ambiguous character with great skill and realism. If nothing else, it’s intriguing.
Finally, the BBC decided that we don’t know enough about Brexit so it commissioned
(BBC Two, Monday). We were treated to countless shots of fascinating black limos arriving in Brussels, using mostly old footage combined with new talking heads.
But it didn’t quite capture the national mood which would be better expressed by “Oh dear...” Choose your own four-letter word to replace “dear”.
However, I was impressed by David
Cameron’s optimism when he met with a Czech politician who reported what our former prime minister had told him about his referendum chances: “I’m a lucky man, I can win.”
Oh, no you can’t.
Europe Safe Harbour Inside