Everyone’s lives can shine just like mine

WE ALL have the potential to shine; not just for other people, but for ourselves. But we can’t truly make other people happy until we’ve found our own happiness and contentment – and I believe that this feeling of quiet calm is what we’re all searching fo

WITH 35 YEARS of crack-of-dawn starts behind me, I’m often asked how I manage to stay so energetic, day in, day out. That’s not to say I don’t have bad days. Just being human requires an incredible amount of effort and work.worse still, mental health is at an all-time low.

I’ve had my own experience with this when the menopause triggered anxiety within me. At the time, this was scary, but with plenty of help I picked myself up and began to look forward to life again, and that’s what I keep doing every day.

I feel incredibly lucky not to have suffered from clinical depression, although I’ve seen others go to this dark place. But although it is clear we still have a way to go in tackling mental health, we are now in a world that’s finally starting to take this condition seriously, and there is an increasing amount of help out there for those who are suffering.

Growing up, however, it was ingrained in me that you soldier on no matter what. If my brother and I were ill as kids, we didn’t get a day off school unless we couldn’t physically walk.

My mum always taught me that you had a responsibility to get on with things and you couldn’t let people down. This is a great attitude to have in lots of ways, but not if you’re truly struggling.

When the menopause triggered anxiety for me I felt like I was in a dark tunnel for about two years. I would wake up in the early hours and go over and over things in my head – daft things that didn’t really matter, but felt massive when I was lying in a pitch-black room in a state of panic.

I was deeply unhappy and felt that I wasn’t in control. Someone would only need to say something the wrong way and I would fall apart. I have always been a positive and resilient person, but I felt like all the joy had been sucked out of me.

People would tell me I looked well, but I didn’t know how to vocalise how I was feeling inside – how can you explain that you are losing control, and losing yourself?

I had a job to do, so there was no choice but to paint on a smile and be “telly Lorraine”. The whole point of my TV programme is that it’s positive and inspirational. I didn’t want people to look at me and think I was struggling, so I had to make a conscious effort to put myself in the zone and get through the show each day even though there were times when I would sit at home, crying for hours.

Sometimes I would come out of the darkness and get a rush of relief that the anxiety was passing, but the next day I’d be back to square one. It was so frustrating and I thought: “What if this is just me now? Is this how I’m going to feel for the rest of my life?” I couldn’t see a way out.

My husband, Steve, and I talk a lot, and he had known for some time that something wasn’t right. Things escalated when I started worrying about our daughter Rosie (above) non-stop. We all worry about our kids, but I had never been in that state before.

I also felt constantly knackered. At first I put my exhaustion down to my job and not getting enough sleep, but I’ve been getting up early for more than 35 years and had never felt that way before. I couldn’t get excited about anything, even at occasions that should have been full of joy. At one of Rosie’s birthday parties, I plastered on a smile and sleep-walked through it.

I became obsessed with insignificant concerns, and life just started to feel a little bit too much. If friends were coming over for the evening I would get in a state. I don’t go to many events anyway, but I turned down every single invitation so I didn’t have to see people. I couldn’t think of anything worse than going to a premiere or a work function.

At other times I would agree to see pals and cancel on the day because I couldn’t face it.

During that time, my to-do list would loom like a giant black cloud – I was so worried I started to write to-do lists of to-do lists. I even had to write down things like “research this guest”, or “get changed after the show”, as if I was going to forget.

I’ve always said there’s no point stressing over little things you can’t do anything about, but I couldn’t take my own advice. I started to worry that there was something seriously wrong with me physically. When you’re anxious, your mind can go to very dark places. Steve would say, “Do you want to go out for a walk?” but all I wanted to do was stay in my joggers – they were like a comfort blanket for me.

I felt unsexy, undesirable and flat. I didn’t feel like I fitted in anywhere. I certainly didn’t feel like I deserved to be on TV every day. Steve encouraged me to see a doctor and eventually we realised that my menopause could have triggered this episode.

I started on Hormone Replacement

Therapy (HRT) and, with the support of

Steve and friends, gradually I started to feel better. Since then, I’m so relieved that the menopause has been dragged kicking and screaming into the light, because it needs to be spoken about more. So many women suffer in silence.

The menopause should be seen as an empowering and positive development in a woman’s life, but when I went through it I couldn’t understand what was happening to me. Feeling anxious is part of the human condition, but when it takes over your life and leaves you frozen with pain and terror, you must take action.

It took a couple of months for the hormones to properly kick in, and once they did it was miraculous. I cannot explain how good it felt to start enjoying everyday things again, and I didn’t look back.

Do whatever you need to do in order to make the whole experience as painless as possible.

HRT worked for me, but I’m not saying it’s for everyone and you must be aware of all the facts. Half the world’s population will go through it, so it’s lunacy that we still brush the subject under the carpet.

● Extracted by Janewarren from Shine: Discover A Brighteryou by Lorraine Kelly (Century, £20). For free UK delivery, call the Express Bookshop on 01872 562310 or visit expressbookshop.co.uk