POET OF THE POTTING SHED
Alan Titchmarsh has turned his green fingers to verse, including an ode to Charlie Dimmock’s ‘assets’. He tells Vicki Power about his love of family and writing, and why he’ll never do Strictly
HE’S BEEN a gardener,tv presenter, chat show host and a novelist. And now Alan Titchmarsh has added another string to his bow: poet. Express gardener Alan has written Marigolds, Myrtle And Moles: A Gardener’s Bedside Book, his first collection of poetry, ditties about trees and plants as well as his thoughts on former TV co-star Charlie Dimmock’s famous bosom.
Alan, 70, admits it’s a risk to bring out a poetry book when he’s not known for writing verse.
“But I was talking to Judi Dench and she said she only takes on roles she thinks she can’t do,” says Alan. “As long as you don’t bore or embarrass people, have a go. I don’t want to get to the end of my life and think, what if?”
On Ground Force, Charlie’s braless bosom became a national talking point and Alan refers to her unharnessed assets in My Story:
‘When I was one and fifty (When most men buy their Harleys)
‘I wrote novels – long – and got my gong and dodged those boobs of Charlie’s.’
“She’s a good friend – she’ll take it on the chin!” he says. “For the men who used to watch Ground Force, the viewing figures went up when it rained. The great thing about Charlie is that what you see is what you get, literally! She’s down to earth and lovely.”
Alan takes a dig at ‘johnnycome-lately’ garden designers in a poem telling of a posh lady who gets ideas above her station when she embarks on a short course to become a garden designer:
‘My drawing is improving and my colour schemes are fine.
‘The Latin names that I can spell now number twenty nine!’ “My wife tells me I’ll have no friends among female garden designers after this book. Well, if the cap fits,” snorts Alan. “There is a certain class of lady – I’ll say no more. The poem says the rest. I hope it’s good-natured.”
Alan, who’s had his hands in the soil for four decades on shows like Ground Force, Gardeners’ World, Chelsea Flower Show and Love Your Garden – and penned 11 novels, too – has been writing poems since he was a child.
“My first poem was a gift to my father on his birthday when I was about 11,” he recalls.
“He was like, ‘Humph’ and put it in his pocket and didn’t comment – he was a Yorkshire plumber and this was the 1950s.
“I don’t think he knew quite what to make of it – or me, because I wasn’t like him. I was sensitive and arty and he wasn’t.
“But my father and mother allowed me to follow my bliss of being a gardener and I’m for ever grateful to them for that.”
You won’t find any slushy love
‘It’s just me thinking out loud’
poems in Alan’s book, written to his wife of 44 years, dance teacher Alison. “I’ve never written romantic poetry for my wife,” says Alan. “I think that would really be exposing – you don’t want to be soppy. And she’d probably say, ‘Oh, give over’.”
Their long and successful marriage is down to Alison being “very tolerant, bless her,” of the myriad demands on Alan’s time.
But he adds that he and Alison have each encouraged the other to fulfil their dreams.
“I think there’s a lot to be said for allowing someone to be themselves,” he says. “I don’t mean in a selfish way, not if it impinges on family, but Ali’s been able to fulfil her desire to dance and do choreography and I’ve been able to do what I do.”
Their daughters, Polly and Camilla, advise him which jobs to accept, and he’s turned down Strictly five times.
“Ali says my knees wouldn’t take the lifts,” says Alan. “I’d love to learn to dance better than I do,
but I don’t see myself being fodder for a spread in the tabloids.”
Following Ali’s retirement, Alan is trying to cut back on work.
“Now that Ali’s at home more, it’s important for me to be there more. We’ve got four grandchildren as well and life is not just about work.”
Nor, for Alan, is it about Tweeting, Facebooking or Instagramming about his life and opinions – he skips it in order to avoid negative comments.
“If I were on social media I know I’d get cut to the quick, to the core by people saying negative things,” he says. “I don’t need that. There will be loads of people in this country who can’t stand me – nobody is liked by everybody – but I don’t need to read about it. I’m sensitive enough without that.
“And I don’t feel the need to tell people what I’ve had for breakfast. Why should they be interested?” Fans can speak to him directly, he says, at his touring one-man show Trowel and Error.
IN FACT, Alan’s poem A Place In History tells us the most about him. In it, he confesses he lets his ego get the better of him sometimes and wonders what his legacy might be. “It’s just me thinking out loud about whether it is important that I’m remembered.
“The gist is that, actually, it’s not important, but if what I’ve done while I’m here means that more people have grown things, then my legacy should be that this little patch of island is greener than it was before.”
● Marigolds, Myrtle And Moles: A Gardener’s Bedside Book (Hodder, £12.99). To order call Express Bookshop (01872 562310) or visit expressbookshop.co.uk. UK delivery is free. Please note we no longer accept cheques or postal orders.