Tough prisoners go soft, moaning about beds and vegan food
Wilf’s a big winner in the name game
I RATHER like the name Wilfred, that, of course, being the name the PM has called his baby son.
I disagree with many saying it’s a strange one.
It’s old fashioned, direct, and the shortened versions, Wilf, Fred andwill, all merge easily with Johnson.
Also his father Boris, like Madonna, Elvis and Oprah, have never needed to use a surname, internationally renowned as they are by their first name.
For my third child, I liked the name Arthur but soon realised that Art, the shortened version, combined with our family name Atack didn’t make a good combo.
In junior school a friend named Russell had an unfortunate life change when his mother remarried, to a Swedish chap named Spraut. Russell Spraut felt a real turkey, I can tell you.
Famous names in songs can also prove tiresome.
My friend Dolly – Dolores – just sighs when people greet her singing ‘helloooo Dolly!’
And my family used to sing The Beatles’ song Martha My Dear to my middle child, Martha, when she was little.
When my second cousin, Paul Mccartney, met her for the first time, she was three.
He started to sing her the song and she said, “Oh, YOU know that one too!” “Know it? I WROTE it!” was Paul’s reply!
Meanwhile, a website of curious names showed that in the past three years there’s been 13 Attilas, seven Stalins and six Casanovas in the UK.
I’m trying to envisage a toddler in a Birkenhead supermarket, his mum rebuking him: “I’ve told you before... be NICE to yer mum, Stalin!”
● One Two Three Four: The Beatles In Time by Craig Brown (Harpercollins) is now an audiobook with Kate as co-narrator
UNCOMFORTABLE mattresses, small portions and a lack of vegan options for dinner – life is tough at one of Britain’s most secure jails.
Prison watchdogs carried out an unannounced inspection of HMP Frankland – which houses monsters including Ian Huntley and Peter Sutcliffe – earlier this year.
They found a gym, well-stocked library and easy access to dental care.
Getting hold of drugs or alcohol was also easy for the inmates, and they were allowed a five-minute free international call each week.
But those following paganism struggled to get hold of certain religious artefacts to follow their religion, and transgender prisoners complained that makeup was hard to come by.
Three in five of those locked up in the Category A jail near Durham complained the quality of the food was either quite or very bad and griped about portion sizes.
The inspectors found enough sheets and duvets to go around but older prisoners in particular grumbled about their mattresses. More than half (55%) said getting hold of drugs was easy or very easy and the latest inspection report backed this up, adding: “Although lower than at prisons generally, drug testing suggested that more illicit drugs were available than in comparison to other high security prisons.”
A third of prisoners said accessing booze was also easy.
The findings were revealed in a survey of the 840 inmates housed in one of the UK’S most secure prisons by the independent Inspectorate of Prisons for England andwales.
At the time of the unannounced check over nine days this January, more than 250 offenders were classified as category A, the highest security risk. Of those, nine were considered super high-risk category A. Nearly nine out of 10 were serving sentences in excess of 10 years. The majority were lifers or on indeterminate sentences.
All had their own cell and a third were over 50. HM Chief Inspector of Prisons Peter Clarke said the majority of inmates “had committed the most serious, and often violent, offences and posed very great risks to the public”.
But he praised the management of the jail, adding: “Frankland continues to ensure reasonable outcomes against all our tests of a healthy prison.
“Most prisoners reported feeling safe and levels of violence were low, despite all the risks.”