Harry’s footy magic with big, big stars
BIG FOOTBALLERS do cry. And larger, ageing ex-england players can sob prodigiously given the chance.they certainly did in (ITV, Monday towednesday), a joyous piece of TV, with laughs, lads, lager and home truths as this team of England legends reunited for another bruising wake-up call.and shock... they’re all still growing old and they all need to shed even more pounds.after all these weeks of lockdown we feel their pain.
Chief among them was the lovable Razor Ruddock, who is surely set for an emotional spin-off reality show brought to you by Slimming World. He could visit the breweries of Britain, which he has singly kept afloat, on a final testimonial drinking tour. He hasn’t half piled it on since our last encounter, and Harry Rednapp, the conscience of the team followed closely by a reborn and dry Paul Merson, looked on with dismay at Razor, despite a more sober training regime.
It all came to a head over breakfast in France, croissants at dawn, when Merson, who says he owes his life to the previous series, took his old mate to task for drinking jug upon jug of French lager (brave in itself) with a bra on his head while singing the theme tune to the Mickey Mouse Club. It was a typical England training session. Last we heard of Razor, he was getting a pacemaker.we wish the pacemaker well.
Of course the real star is Harry Rednapp.you can’t help but laugh, from his falling over on the tour bus, to his delicate joke about the French amateur nude football team: “They’re not going in hard on the tackle...”
And who isn’t enjoying on ITV4? You can now enjoy the football without the misery of anticipation. England v Scotland (Sunday) was wonderful – apologies north of the border – as we waited for Gazza’s goal celebration of the tournament. Remember “The Dentist’s Chair”? About boozing! What a moment.
Gazza figured in archive footage in
STEPHENSON’S ROCKET
Harry’s Heroes, too, as the target for a Black Forest gateau which Chris Waddle aimed squarely at the centre of his face. England can score when the moment requires. In the week that the BBC gave us a “virtual”
Leave our BBC Four alone, Auntie. Surely this wonderful and, at times, mad channel is the reason we support the licence fee. Now you want to slavishly chase “youth” by putting BBC Three back on proper telly. You didn’t care four years ago when the excellent #savebbc3 campaign was launched and you dumped the channel online. The “youff” all grow into BBC loyalists anyway, watching Countryfile, The One Show, a period drama, even BBC Breakfast. OK, maybe not that one. And then we’ll all happily be watching telly together in the living room again just like the
1960s. Bliss.
(BBC1, Monday), Netflix rather cheekily gave us the real thing with
It’s always the scale that impresses with Netflix.they created a “botanical dome” for this flower arrangers’ fracas – or did they simply buy the Eden Project in Cornwall? It was extraordinary, even if at times the show lacked pace. It was like watching flowers grow. Ten teams started, not a shrinking violet in sight.
These guys were cultivated for reality fame, dismissing any cliche that flower people lead sheltered lives in greenhouses.there were big personalities in this tent.
Given that this was a greenfingered Bake Off, there was also a resident comedian standing by to shovel the weeds “into the compost heap”, as he said. This was ably done by Vic Reeves, who took a swipe at one butterfly sculpture improbably featuring capsicum “to attract deer”.
And this was a team in which one competitor was called Monet. He would be spinning on his lily pad.as they battled with the opening round involving metalwork, she wisely commented: “Figuring out what goes where is the challenge...” No bouquet for that I’m afraid.
Is it a hit? Well, unlike Bake Off you can’t eat it (unless pushed) and you’re unlikely to do it at home (unless very bored), but the seeds have been sown for a returning series.the Big Flower Fight, though, needs plenty of water as most of the jokes are rather dry with not a soggy bottom in sight.
IF YOU’RE the sort of viewer who scours the schedule for a murdermystery, try (Alibi, Sunday). First, it has nothing to do with the West London suburb, or the public school. That may come as a relief. It’s actually the name of the character played by Ioan Gruffudd who heads up a forensic team in Brisbane.yes, DNA testing has finally reached Australia. It’s like Silent Witness with sunshine.
Interestingly, Gruffudd doesn’t have either an Australian accent, or a Welsh one. He may well be acting.along the way Harrow has to deal with a gruff macho Aussie detective who harrumphs a lot if he’s not at the pub. Disappointingly, it didn’t feature a single shot of anyone surfing, so it could be anywhere. But Harrow does live on a yacht and, like another boat-bound investigator, Van Der Valk, he has a terrible personal life. Unlike the plot, don’t expect this to be resolved any time soon. Dive in.
Finally
(BBC2, Monday) returned for another brain-enriching series. It made me feel excited about the next industrial revolution. Could someone please organise it? Fast.