Seen it before? That’s TV’S lockdown loop
EVERYONE, even the BBC, has had to become more creative during lockdown. No need for alarm, but the dusty old repeat has now mutated and its presence is multiplying exponentially through the schedule. I even have some retrospective modelling to prove it.
As well as the standard model like Dad’s Army (always worth showing again), or any old crime drama on ITV (never worth it), the factual boffins at the BBC have invented two box-fresh formats that pop into the schedule, almost like new ideas.
First, we have “highlights from other similar shows wrapped up in a new format”.the other wheeze is an “update” of a show you probably fell asleep in front of two years ago.these shows prey on a lack of attention so stay alert. Ask a third party, at a safe distance of course, to confirm that you may have watched this show before.
An example of the first was (BBC Two, Tuesday) is still utterly useless even when it features Steve Pemberton, Richard Madeley and Steph Mcgovern. The format remains elusive, but it was reassuring to see that Steph was settling into her brief, barking the eff word unapologetically. Has she picked up some bad habits from Channel 4? Perhaps it’s now a charity show for celebrities in lockdown. If so, it should have a message at the end – “Have you been affected by not seeing your favourite celebrity for weeks?”
(BBC One, daily), a groaning old garden shed of “highlights” from craft and DIY shows not seen since Tommy Walsh was a lad. Many will have felt a little cheated as they might have expected the amiable Repair Shop presenter to have been on screen for the full 45 minutes. Instead, he proudly introduced bits from “our favourite shows” including some sofa upholstery which can only have been inspired by Joseph And The Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat.a riot of colour is the technical term.
Repeat two was a “fresh” episode of (BBC One, Sunday), with the endlessly entertaining Gregg Wallace. But this time our shouty Gregg was at home in lockdown with a remote link to a toilet paper producer he visited two years ago. It was certainly a cheeky repeat and made us nostalgic for panic buying.
The most exciting footage was watching the factory manager filming the path where workers queue to enter the factory each morning. But not a single soul was actually queuing! I couldn’t believe my eyes, so I had to drive a 60-mile round trip just to check my sight was OK. I was fine, thank you.
Does this mean we can look forward to a whole new wave of exciting programmes such as Britain’s Best Town Centre Queues, or Foreign Covidiots By The Sea? You’re welcome, Channel 5.
If you needed an insight into BBC thinking – stop laughing –W1A is back via Zoom. (Youtube) is brief at only five minutes, but is an absolute gem. Hugh Bonneville, Sarah Parish and Jason Watkins suggest putting “everything that is on iplayer back on live TV” or “simply repeating an entire year like 1976”. There’s even talk of a comeback from Muffin The Mule and the Test Card. Life may yet imitate art.
There were some new shows.
(ITV, Tuesday) was a delightful half an hour of gardening, albeit at top speed, so much so I was completely exhausted. I can’t remember that quickly. Surely, this should have been an hour-long programme. Nonetheless,alan was at his best, ably filmed by his wife Alison on “Mrs T cam”. In one shot, she apparently struggled to keep the camera still. “Don’t do that. It will wobble,” said Alan with a twinkle. What a shame panto is unlikely to go ahead this year, Alan.
Netflix is an increasingly reliable source of new shows, not least because it spends the GDP of a medium-sized South American republic making its programmes. Its latest budget-busting effort was (Netflix), starring Steven Carell (The Office), John Malkovich (The New Pope) and Lisa Kudrow (Friends), a comedy about the US putting people on the Moon. Haven’t they already done that? Carell is an OCD general who’s in charge and implementing the strategy of “boots on the Moon by 2024”. It’s funnier than the last space comedy, Avenue 5, starring Hugh Laurie, but I didn’t suffer an injury from guffawing either. Lift-off aborted.
(Channel 5, Tuesday) was rather jaw-dropping for a royal doc. I know much of this ground has been covered by The Crown, but I didn’t realise any of it might be true. Judging by this feature length doc from ITN, Margaret and Lord Snowden were the epitome of free love in the 60s. Snowden, born Anthony Armstrongjones, was incredibly prodigious. Former BBC Royal correspondent Jennie Bond was impressed: “He had a huge sex drive,” she said gushingly. Careful. Biographer Anne De Courcy speculated, “I think he was bisexual.a friend once told me, ‘If it’s got socks on, he’ll jump on it’.” So he was clearly energetic, too.
I was most impressed with Princess Margaret’s rudeness to celebrities. She once sat next to model Twiggy at lunch.after two hours of ignoring her, she turned to Twiggy and asked, “Who are you?” It’s a good job I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! wasn’t around then.