Line Of Duty-lite is no towering achievement
I’VE BEEN privileged to be one of the first brave journalists to go into Australia after the country’s self-imposed exile from the world by Covid. They’re now sharing our burden. How did they cope? They watched Tipping Point at 3pm every afternoon.
“I love Ben Shephard,” said one enthusiastic Aussie. “And some of the contestants... I just can’t believe how stupid they are.” Now, now. Search as I might, I couldn’t find an Aussie version. They’re too busy with barbecuing steak, of course.
Then another excited local told me, “Oh, and that Jimmy Carr is so funny on Eight Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown. We watch that in the evening all the time.”
So we need never worry about our “special” relationship with methaneloving Aussies. They give us tons of Aussie beef and we give them Jimmy Carr! It’s a perfect trading relationship.
Back in Blighty, and the delights of TV drama awaited me. The Tower (ITV, Monday–wednesday) was a skilfully put-together drama by Patrick Harbinson from a Kate London novel, but frankly, it was rather underwhelming and it was also incredibly gory into the bargain. Many would have switched off from the start. We were greeted with two victims, face down in separate pools of blood, after falling – or did they? – from the top of a tower block. Who wants that in their living room?
Then it was down to Gemma Whelan’s dogged police officer to find out why a serving police officer was one of the victims. We like “dogged” in our detectives now, but it was so procedural, and the characters so cardboard, that it made me long for a bit of reality TV. That can’t be good – although I’m A Celebrity will be starting soon enough, apparently with Richard Madeley).
Even the pedestrian name of “Farlow Police Station” in The Tower sounded like it had been computer generated. And aren’t the police superintendents getting younger these days?
Thankfully, Whelan’s DS – who told us she was Sarah Collins every two minutes – was beyond reproach and went about her work methodically. But who wants that in a Line Of Duty-lite drama? Don’t we want stories with real intrigue and characters with interesting backgrounds rather than soapy set-ups that hark back to The Bill?
Two episodes later, and more twists and turns, we trundled towards a more satisfactory, complex ending. Matthews, the rotund copper who went over the edge, in every respect, got a dignified
funeral in which his colleagues threw packets of Rolos on to his coffin – I bet he always got the last one – and his surviving sidekick, Lizzie, assured DS Collins at the graveside of Farah, the other victim, that she would prove to Collins that she could be an honest copper. Sure you can. We all know about “bent coppers”. No doubt some canny TV producer will put these two together as partners in a new spin-off show.
Madame Blanc Mysteries (Channel 5, Saturday) was much more entertaining. A super cast, including co-writer Sally Lindsay, has brought the first series to a close with the prospect of more on the horizon. The main mystery is almost resolved. A greedy local estate agent now has a nasty gunshot wound after trying to murder Lindsay. Still, our
MADAME BLANC: heroine had moved on rather briskly to pastures new, with likeable Dom who was re-united surprisingly with his “lost” wife in the final episode.
Of course, no one is quite what they seem in this fun drama. Supposedly his estranged wife was coming back to make a go of it again for the sake of their daughter, but she had more evil intent – to steal his valuable paperweight. Yes, they exist!
We even had a cameo from TV legend Paul O’grady as an antiques jewellery expert – on Zoom! Is this a new sideline for the versatile presenter? Look out Antiques Roadshow. O’grady was pretty much himself, but it didn’t really matter as he’s probably picked up important knowledge about how to tell if a ruby is worth a small fortune. Roll on the second series. It’s also helping our fraught relations with the French.
Walking With… Kate Garraway (BBC Two, Wednesday) was a chance for this excellent news anchor to tell us about her love for the countryside, and to give us her views on jogging. “Too jolty,” she said from her Cotswold ramble. Especially if you’re holding a 360 degree camera, as she did.
Finally, everyone’s favourite German, Jurgen off The Great British Bake Off (Channel 4, Tuesday), dropped a tray of vegan sausage rolls on to the floor – exactly where most carnivores think they belong. Then he served them to an unsuspecting Paul and Prue. Shocker! Will he ever ’fess up? There’s enough intrigue here for a new ITV drama.