WARM, WITTY AND WISE
NEVER pick up a used memory stick if you don’t want to end up in a container park about to star in your own snuff movie.that’s what happened to one of the characters in Grace, the ITV series based on the crime novels by Peter James with John Simm as the Brighton detective Roy Grace who consults a medium when all else fails.
Grace is a troubled soul and his bossy lady boss thinks he should take a posting in a less lively part of the world.
Like, she suggested, Hampshire. “Hampshire?”, said Grace dismissively, as though it was a suburb of Ulan Bator rather than the next county.
Blooming cheek. I can tell you that here in Hampshire we were extremely displeased by his lack of enthusiasm for God’s own shire.
We may not have the sort of exotic criminal activity that there seems to be in Brighton but, heck, there can be a bit of noise at chucking out time on a Saturday.
I found a styrofoam burger carton in the street the other day.
And people who park half on the pavements near the station? Don’t get me started on them.yup, it’s a jungle out there.
SO NICKY Clarke’s famous Mayfair hairdressing salon is no more. His partner Lesley Clarke admitted the pandemic took its toll and also blamed “the lack of footfall in Mayfair, the rents, the rates, no travel (because we have a lot of international clients).” And maybe in these sombre and expensive times the idea of spending £650 for the top man to cut your hair just seems like silly money.
HIGH ON the list of things I couldn’t care less about is that Elon Musk has bought Twitter. The world of woke seems to think the “free speech” that young Musky champions will see the platform deluged in bile, venom, contempt and all-round nastiness. Because now it’s all sweetness and light, isn’t it?
FOR SOME reason my contact lens fluid was subject to a product recall. The opticians rang to tell me. It’s quite expensive stuff (but necessary) so I definitely wanted the 27 quid refund. In the olden days you’d have received a cheque from the manufacturers after supplying them with a receipt of purchase.
Nothing so straightforward now. I had to take pictures of the offending bottles and they had to be signed and dated. I had to upload the photos and go through all kinds of tiresome digital hoops before pressing “submit” for the refund.
Days passed. Then I got an email saying: “We’re pleased to let you know yourvirtual Mastercard has arrived! Please click to register your card and follow the simple instructions.”
Virtual Mastercard? And as for “simple instructions”. Don’t make me laugh.
I now have a list of numbers and passwords that seem to go with thevirtual Mastercard. The email says I can use my Virtual Mastercard anywhere. I have grave doubts about this. As the song says, there may be trouble ahead…