‘Stem cell therapy offers a glimmer of hope, but my date with death still looms’
EACH WEEK, UNTIL HE TAKES HIS LIFE AT A SWISS SUICIDE CLINIC ON JUNE 15, THE SUNDAY HERALD IS PUBLISHING COLIN CAMPBELL’S DIARY CHARTING HIS LAST DAYS. HIS FINAL ENTRY WILL BE PUBLISHED BY US ON THE SUNDAY FOLLOWING HIS DEATH
WELL, unfortunately I am still alive. Dying can become unexpectedly complicated. The TV crew filming the story of my final journey to Switzerland completed the initial shoot this week in my home town of Inverness.
The producer, cameraman and lighting technician were accompanied by Alexander – he is a 63-year-old man diagnosed with dementia who is also considering voluntary assisted suicide in Switzerland. Along with us enjoying liquid “Highland hospitality” many thoughts on death were discussed.
I was asked what I expected would happen after I died. I said oblivion is my expectation although I respect that many believe in an afterlife. And while being greeted by more than 20 beautiful virgins is the expectation of some, it is definitely not something I believe will happen to me.
Inevitably the opposers of voluntary assisted suicide continue to seek to deny a change in the law. Their argument is “care not killing”, which from my experience is meaningless. I have been offered no support in obtaining ground-floor accommodation – I am an MS sufferer who lives in an upstairs flat.
Similarly, outwith the hospital I have been offered no “care”. I recall my recent discharge from hospital at the height of the flu season. For that reason I was in a single room rather than a ward. The nurse tied on a face mask to me then helped me into a wheelchair which she pushed down to the taxi rank on the ground floor. There were no ambulances available so a nervous-looking taxi driver would have to take me back to my flat.
The fact that I am in a second-floor flat which is in a listed building without permission to install a lift offered me the chance for some humorous scenarios with the filmmakers. While they were at the foot of the stairs I told them this was their “base camp”.
They would film me bravely making a solo and hazardous attempt to reach the “summit” – in imagined deteriorating weather conditions. They filmed my uncertain efforts to climb ahead until I vanished from sight into a “snowstorm”. Eventually they met me seated in a chair at the “summit” and we regretted we did not have a flag with us to mark the achievement.
Back to grim reality, and I remain very much the condemned man alone in his cell on “death row”.
Each day continues with the challenge of holding on to a zimmer frame as I try to get dressed without falling over. Then it is through to the bathroom for a quick shower before my legs “time out”. Now seated safely in a chair I use my electric shaver as leg tremor makes razor shaves unsafe.
For the moment, I do not require assistance with toileting and I do not yet have any difficulties with swallowing liquids. I am, though, aware that eventually choking while trying to swallow liquids is a likely outcome.
As I do not have any carers I survive on microwave meals.
BEDTIME for me is strictly at 10pm as it requires about 15 minutes preparation to safely get into bed. I then read for about 15 minutes before falling asleep. As a former IT specialist, much of this week has been taken up emailing old IT colleagues to lament the failings of IT staff in having not been proactive in countering the WannaCry ransomware computer virus that hit the NHS. Incredibly it seems that the failure of regular patching of now unsupported Microsoft operating systems has made things worse.
Microsoft always gives plenty advance notice of withdrawing support for its older operating systems. Ten years since release date is usually the end of support for older software.
The cyber attack inevitably inspired me to update my website hosted by the excellent GoDaddy.com where I talk and write about the things I love: friends, music, blues guitar, and beer. It is much more relevant to me than Facebook. Unsurprisingly, my website is named seekingoblivion.com ...
Towards the end of this week my landlord considerately persuaded me to seek stem cell treatment with Swiss Medica. It says it presently cannot cure multiple sclerosis but the stem cell treatment will improve mobility and halt progression. I have now chosen to defer but not cancel my plan for assisted suicide in Switzerland.
Depending on the outcome of the treatment I will decide whether or not to complete my original intention of voluntary assisted suicide with LifeCircle in Switzerland on June 15.
To donate to the MS Society, visit www.mssociety.org.uk