Bristling at the thought
While Amazonmazon coin it in,in there are claims staff at their Dunfermline depot were penalised for being sick or taking too long at the loo. Some seemed to be camping nearby just to hold down their job. All this on top of rampant tax avoidance. It’s high time MSPs went through this company with a fine-tooth comb (choose from 1129 available on the site). Staff exploitation and tax dodging cannot be the price of customer convenience. Not again... yet another study claiming man flu is real. Some viruses are more deadly to males, say researchers. So when your other half appears to be dying from a bout of the sniffles, it’s not his fault. Anyone suspect there’s an agenda at work here? So much time and effort spent proving men suffer more. It woulduld be enough to make us girls sick – if wee weren’t the stronger sex, that is. Is your mantelpiece bedecked with Christmas cards? Mine isn’t. But my email account is cluttered with e-greetings. No one hand-writes e-cards, they can’t be pegged on a pretty display, they don’t make you smile. Give me the sound of cards dropping on to the doormat over the electronic ping of an email notification. The last postage dayay for second class stamps is Tuesday. Go on. Snail mail is still real mail. How times change. Eight out of the 10 men voted the sexiest in the world have beards.
Fifty Shades star Jamie Dornan is No1 on Glamour magazine’s list, followed by Poldark’s Aiden Turner and Robert Pattinson from Twilight.
Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer a smooth chin, particularly on a man. It’s not the look
that matters, it’s knowing that beards bristle with bacteria. It’s like hulking a germ factory around on your face. Something nasty could fall out at any time.
Has anyone checked whether beards are responsible for the spread of the Zika virus?
So Night Manager Tom Hiddleston might only make No9 but he’s the winner in my book.
He puts the clean in cleclean-shaven.
Then we wouldn’t have to witness her grinding vicious kitten heels into the poor and the vulnerable. Maybe she’ll be a nicer person if she’s not shoving her plates- of- meat into uncomfortable footwear. She could wear them while pussy-footing around Brexit, too.
We could deliver a copy of How to Win Friends and Inf luence People to our bungl ing Foreign Secretary Bor is Johnson. Highlight the section on “How not to be a lying, double- deal ing, self-aggrandising embarrassment”.
And to wimpy Tory MP Nicky Morgan, who pulled out of last week’s Have I Got News For You after being banned from Downing Street for slagging the PM’s leather trousers – let’s post a backbone.
For £9, Oxfam will arrange to send a pile of poo as a Christmas gift this year.
It’s intended as fertiliser for African farmers struggling to cultivate crops.
But we could make a special request that they send it straight to Nigel Farage. Wrapping not required. And to his new
And to those girls from Little Mix some cosy winter woollies. They’ll catch their death parading around like Primark Beyonces. There’s no heat in pleather pants.
For our First Minister, a 10ft barge pole to fend of the mortifying advances of superfan Alan Cumming and for bosses at Abellio a gigantic compensation claim on behalf of all long-suffering rail passengers.
If after all that, you still find yourself battling aimlessly through crowds this week, spare a thought for the shop staff.
When they f inal ly force the last clamouring shoppers out the shop doors at 5pm on Christmas Eve, they have to start prepping for the Boxing Day sales.
The best gift we could give the 365,000 retail workers who face a long shift on December 26 would be a “closed” sign on those shop doors.
Frankly, anyone even thinking about queuing up for a post- Christmas bargain should get themselves a life.
So give the shop staff a smile, no matter how frayed your festive nerves. Except in Sainsbury’s where that infuriating James Corden song The Greatest Gift for Christmas is Me appears to be on a constant loop. Give the workers there some cotton wool for their ears.
Ah, peace at Christmas – wouldn’t that be nice?