It’s meant to be a time of joy but I had depression, anxiety, stress. It just felt like I was losing control. Then I reached out for help and I found a friend
SERVICE GIVES NEW MOTHERS HELP JUST WHEN THEY NEED IT MOST
First-time mum on how she overcame struggles with help of scheme
A pioneering friendship scheme has been hailed for offering vital support to new mums suffering anxiety and depression.
The pilot, which matches volunteer friends with vulnerable mums, was launched in Forth Valley by children’s charity Aberlour.
The service – the first in Scotland – trains volunteers then matches them with new mums to offer emotional support.
It has won the backing of researchers from Stirling University, who led an independent review.
Their report will be published at Holyrood on Wednesday when the charity will call for their service to be rolled out in other regions.
Here, we speak to a mum and a volunteer.
I’ve come so far with Aberlour SALLY’S STORY Jack was born a year ago, our first baby.
My husband works on the rigs and is offshore for three weeks at a time.
Coping on your own can be difficult. When Jack arrived, I found it impossible.
I had suffered a miscarriage but was delighted when I became pregnant with Jack not long afterwards.
It wasn’t an easy pregnancy. I was very sick and in hospital twice for dehydration.
At the same time, my father was diagnosed with prostate cancer. The prognosis was not good and we cared for him at home during chemo and radiotherapy.
I worried constantly about dad and my baby. In the end, when Jack arrived, he was 9lb 4oz and perfect.
Everything was fine for a few months then dad was taken into the hospice and, after seven weeks, passed away.
I found it difficult and became very withdrawn. Everything that happened – my miscarriage, my di f f icult pregnancy, my dad – made me feel I was losing control.
I found myself struggling to go out of the house. I wanted to take Jack to the parent and toddler groups but he was four months and I worried about other mums wondering where I’d been.
I worried about them asking and having to tell them about my dad. I dreaded those conversations so I didn’t go. Eventually, I didn’t go anywhere.
If I bumped into people I knew in the supermarket, I’d struggle to speak or I’d take a panic attack and leave.
I didn’t feel I could talk to my mum or my family about how I was feeling, because they were going through their own grief. I didn’t want to be a burden.
The stress and anxiety made me worry all the time. I worried that I wasn’t looking after Jack properly or that I wasn’t fit to take care of him.
My health visitor always reassured me that I was doing a good job but I felt like I was letting him down.
It got to the stage where I wouldn’t go out of the house without my husband. If he was working and I needed something from the shops, I’d go to the supermarket at midnight.
I’ve seen myself driv ing to a supermarket in another town just to avoid seeing people I know.
I worried about not being able to keep things together.
At my lowest point, there were times when I wouldn’t shower for a couple days. That’s hard to admit.
I stayed in my pyjamas. All I did was look after my baby and do the cleaning.
The doctors wanted to put me on tablets for my nerves, but I really didn’t want to take them.
The health visitor was really good.
She felt that because of everything I’d been through and the way I was feeling, Aberlour could help. That changed everything.
Their service matches up mums with befrienders, who spend time with you each week for additional support.
At f irst, I didn’t want to do it. I thought, ‘ If I can’t speak to people I already know, how can I speak to a stranger?’
When I met Jeanna, I felt stressed because you don’t usual ly make friends this way. I felt awkward and quite sick. When she came in I just bit the bullet and said we’d do Tesco as it would save me doing it at midnight.
Even though I hardly knew Jeanna, she knew me and my background, so I didn’t have to pretend everything was OK.
After that I saw her once a week. We’d do Tesco or go for a walk. Then we started going out for lunch or up the town to wander round the high street.
She tried to get me out and about more. I wanted to take Jack out and have him interacting with children.
Six months on, I’m more like my old self than ever and Jack has a routine with lots of groups and activities.
Without Jeanna and the support I got from Aberlour, I dread to think where I’d be. I can’t believe how far I’ve come.