Baby Corbynn could do better job
Dearie me.e PrinceWilliamPrinceWilliam, who has carried out a whole 13 days of regal duties this year, was off carousing in the Swiss Alps while the rest of the Royal family were at the Commonwealth Service in London. Poor chap. He needed to blow off steam, do a little dad dancing, hang out with a lingerie model (imagine Kate’s face). No harm in a future king taking a break with the lads, of course. But try earning it first, like the rest of us. Skinny jeans, high heels, chunky jewellery and oversized handbags are bad for you. Well, soak my bunions and shoogle my statement necklace, isn’t that a surprise? Not to anyone who has ever tried to crouch, run or breathe while wearing skintight denim or lugged around a gigantic junk-collecting tote bag. Panic not. We’ve always suffered for style. At least we’re no longer lacing ourselves into corsets to achieve a ridiculous bodyshape. Unless your name’s Kardashian. Phil Hammond could win this spot at the frozen bottom of the ‘not’ list every week. We should fashion him a trophy: A gigantic bum like that one nominated for the Turner Prize. Days after he smarmed his way through the Budget, gleefully inflicting a tax grab on the self-employed, he was forced into a humiliating U-turn. The trophy will represent the part of his anatomy he speaks through. And to where we wish he would just disappear. Six Somewhere out there a baby has been named Corbynn. Let’s hope the extra ‘n’ stands for “not like Jeremy”.
The list of registered baby names released by the National Records of Scotland last week included the usual pick of unusual monikers. There was the powerful, like Maverick, Oak and Pride, and even patriotic, like Alba and Indy. Ten Nicolas and only five Theresas, which could be a small-scale popularity poll in its own right.
Presumably little Drake, Sheeran and Bowie were named after their parents’ music heroes. Corbynn’s will have their own reasons.
But I suspect their child would already be more effective as leader of Labour. Kezia could ask the baby to accompany her to public events. It’s her one chance to convince us Corbynn is with her, every step of the way.