What’s wrong with a good old barney?
By now you’ve probably been told the last independence referendum was one of the most divisive things in the history of the human race.
You might have thought that God casting Lucifer out of heaven was a terrible stramash, but according to many pundits it was nothing compared to a guy having a slight disagreement with his dad about independence.
That referendum, they say, turned neighbour against neighbour, brother against brother, squirrel against magpie – even household appliances were getting in on the act, with your Breville toaster turning against your Henry hoover.
It’s one of the arguments against IndyRef2: “Careful, we might have an argument.”
There was a time when having a right good argument was a key element of political discourse.
As difficult as it is to imagine these days, there was a time when political parties, like your Tories and your Labour Party, actually used to disagree about stuff.
In today’s climate (fiery, apocalyptic, yet so very polite) you can actually find Tory voters and Labour voters aligning on key issues – such as Jeremy Corbyn being hopeless. It’s rare to find a right good proper red-faced rager of a debate.
Compare an episode of Question Time these days to an episode from 1984.
Nowadays, everyone is briefed not to disagree too much in case it frightens the Great British Bake-Off contestant the BBC have placed on the panel.
The only soggy bottoms in 1984 were caused by John Prescott bellowing at Tories so loudly they filled their trousers.
Even some of the most vociferous independence supporters are begging for a more civil discourse this time round. Clearly, hanging around George Square with a Yes banner and getting a dirty look from a passer-by left too many battle scars on them.
I don’t want to downplay the psychological impact of the campaign too much – I was in George Square many a time too, and there’s only so many minutes of your life you can endure listening to Tommy Sheridan bellowing.
Any major political upheaval warrants a fair bit of intellectual aggression. It’s a bad thing to punch someone who disagrees with you, but punching a hole in somebody’s opinion with a philosophical knuckle sandwich is good for all involved.
It’s clear that in IndyRef2, “play nice” isn’t going to cut it – and I’m sure our First Minister privately agrees. I guarantee you Nicola Sturgeon would love 10 minutes in a Shettleston car park with Theresa May and no CCTV cameras.
I think our independence debate should be less civil than the last. It won’t be difficult. The last referendum was about as uncivilised as a china teapot full of quinoa.
We owe it to future generations to get angry. We should be calling people out for the dafties they are, not focusing our campaign on a one-man play about Scotland, or raising money for “our own online news show”, or launching unnecessary newspapers.
That weird smugness needs to be avoided. It’s better we end up sweaty and breathless on our backs, our shirts ripped open and chunks of hair ripped out, than end it with a bemused expression on our faces and 100 retweets from our pals.
Robert Florence is a comedy writer and film-maker.