Hey you. Yes.. Don’t just turn over. Read this. The sports pages will still be there in 10 minutes. And you can find out what telly channel Lethal Weapon is on later. I’ve got something to ask you..

This will be my last column before the general election. (The general election that the very “stable” Theresa May promised she would not call until 2020.)

As far as regular readers go, there’s probably no need for me to bang on at length about which way I think you should vote. I don’t think that’s in doubt. (Vote Labour.)

Similarly, I think many people will have already made up their minds on which way they’re going to vote. You vote Labour because you’ve always voted Labour. You vote Conservative for the same reasons.

But there have been a couple of events in just the last week that I think should be giving people pause for thought…

First off, there was the TV leaders’ “debate” hosted by Jeremy Paxman. (I say “debate” because the very “strong” Theresa May pointblank refused to debate Corbyn one-to-one.)

This was watched by 2.9million people. Meanwhile, over on ITV, Britain’s Got Talent drew in 8.5million viewers. That’s right – the week before the election, almost three times as many people chose to watch a talent show than take the final opportunity to hear Britain’s prospective leader set out their stall.

For perspective, I analysed the entire TV ratings from last week. More people chose to watch Gardeners’ World, Britain’s Busiest Airport and the umpteenth showing of Lethal Weapon than tuned in for the leaders’ debate.

In fact, if the people reading this newspaper are a representative sample of the UK’s population, then the chances are you aren’t even reading this piece right now. You skimmed the first paragraph, saw that it was some idiot banging on about politics and then thought, “Bugger that. Where’s the football pages?” Or “Where’s the entertainment section? I wonder what happened in Britain’s Got Talent the other night.”

These would presumably be some of the 15.9million eligible voters who didn’t bother to vote in the last general election – a number greater than those who voted for any single political party. A number that would include the majority of 18 to 24 yearolds who don’t want Brexit but failed to vote against it.

How do you do it? I envy you. I really do. I wish I could. I wish I could just switch it all off and tune into Gardeners’ World or Riggs and Murtaugh (and I love Riggs and Murtaugh) and let the world roll on by.

But that would mean ignoring the one thing I really noticed during the leaders’ debate – the disgust, the venom, radiating towards May from anyone in the audience who came from the world of healthcare, policing or teaching. That is to say, anyone who works in the public sector. Anyone who has had first-hand experience of the severity of the Conservatives’ cuts. Try to find a teacher, doctor or nurse who has a good word for the Tories. Go on, I dare you.

Then secondly, on Wednesday night, we had the televised debate between the leaders of all the parties. Or rather, of course, we didn’t. Having been too scared to debate Corbyn one-on-one, May certainly wasn’t going to risk being torn apart by six adversaries. So she sent her Home Secretary Amber Rudd to get torn apart in her place. And boy did she. It was the single worst performance I have ever seen in a political debate.

Rudd was angry and shaken from the start and ended up being openly mocked by the audience, who did not applaud a single word out of her mouth. In fact, when she said the Tories would “stand on their record”, the entire room (and I imagine the country watching at home) burst out laughing. This reaction highlighted one of the impossibilities of being a Tory now: You have to say “we are doing a great job and the economy is growing brilliantly” and, simultaneously, you must say “things are bad and we must continue with austerity”. It would drive a schizophrenic mad.

On all the available evidence, May hates you, thinks she’ll win this in a landslide and doesn’t deserve your vote.

But, just the other week, I wrote about the terrible tendency of the British public to shoot themselves in the foot, to vote against their own best interests. So to conclude, with Thursday looming, let’s try to keep it really simple. Amid all the noise and confusion and debates, let’s try to break it down to one simple question.

Did you pay more than £50,000 in tax last year? (Note – not did you EARN more than £50,000, did you PAY more than £50,000 to the taxman?)

No? Don’t vote Tory, there’s not much in it for you. Yes, you did? Congratulations, you’re doing just fine. So don’t vote Tory. Vote to help someone who’s not doing so fine. Simple when you spell it out.