My beautiful girl was born so early and I sat with her in hospital for four months. But I had this fear.. a crushing terror she would be taken into care
MUM WITH LEARNING DISABILITIES HAILS CHARITY FOR VITAL SUPPORT AFTER BIRTH OF HER DAUGHTER
The birth of her first baby should have been the best time in Lindsey Boyle’s life but it became the worst.
Her daughter Lexi was born nine weeks early, weighing just 2lb 4oz. And, in the fraught, stressful weeks ahead, Lindsey slipped into depression.
Piled on to the worry for her dangerously premature baby was the terror that Lexi might never come home, that she might be taken from hospital straight into care. Lindsey, 22, is one of thousands of parents in Scotland with learning disabilities and up to 40 per cent are judged incapable of caring for their children. Remembering the months after Lexi’s birth, Lindsey said: “I was overwhelmed. Sometimes it felt like I couldn’t breathe.
“I was travelling twice a day to hospital, four buses a day, to sit with Lexi and I was worried and stressed all the time.
“It was too much. I was struggling to cope and then being told I might lose Lexi into care was overwhelming.
“It was the worst thing and made everything feel one thousand times worse.
“It felt like I was being crushed. I had to try to stop thinking about it. If I started thinking about it, I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t do anything else.”
After four months in Ayr’s Crosshouse hospital, Lexi was allowed home in October to live with Lindsey and her mum and dad, Irene, 55, and David, 49, in Monkton.
In the months that followed, Lindsey was determined to prove she could be trusted to care for her daughter.
Research suggests that there are at least 5000 parents with learning disabilities in Scotland – although experts fear there could be many more – but only 60 per cent live with their children.
Lindsey said: “I love Lexi so much and always loved being with her but there were times when I would feel that caring for her properly was too much for me.
“I knew I needed help and I couldn’t have done it without that help.”
Lindsey split from Lexi’s dad during her pregnancy, although they remain friends and share care of their daughter.
Her parents have been hugely supportive but she also hails the help she received from leading children’s charity Aberlour.
In south Ayrshire, the charity deliver practical advice and emotional support for families where one or both parents have learning disabilities.
Chi ldcare experts suggest support
The charity helped me to realise I have what it takes to be a good mum
services in the community would allow many more to care for their children at home, greatly improving their chances in life.
Lindsey said: “Aberlour have been great. They have given me a lot of practical help and support and reassure me that I have what it takes to be a good mum.
“I know there are things I have to work harder at than other people and that I might need help but they always made me feel that I could get there. They helped me take a lot of small steps.”
Lindsey says Lexi, who has recovered from her early arrival and will be one in July, has transformed her life and is looking forward to their future together. She hopes to go to college to study social care.
She said: “Things have changed so much over the last six months. Lexi is the best thing that has happened to me. I can’t image my life without her but know I might have lost her. I am so grateful to everyone who has helped me.”
The specialist Aberlour team, based in Girvan, work closely with parents to increase their skills, self- confidence and ability to provide safe, caring homes for their children.
Funded by the Big Lottery and South Ayrshire Council, the team improve the prospects of children of parents with learning difficulties, keeping them out of care and protecting their mental and physical health.
Research suggests the service is saving taxpayers more than £1million a year.
Aberlour’s Sharon Swan, who leads the team, said: “No two families are the same. We work closely with families and our partners at South Ayrshire Council to find out exactly what kind of support each needs and tailor our work to provide that. It is about seeing and tackling problems before they become crises, winning the trust of parents and ensuring the physical and emotional needs of their children are being met.
“They need to know we are there to support and help them become the best possible parents. Like every parent, they only want their children to have the best chance in life.”
Research in 2013 suggested children of parents with a learning disability – a reduced intellectual ability and difficulty with everyday activities – were more likely to be taken into care in Scotland than in England.
The report also highlighted significant differences between Scotland’s councils when deciding if their children should be taken into care, fostered or adopted.
Chris Creegan, chief executive of the Scottish Commission for Learning Disability, said: “People with learning disabilities should have the same rights to family life as anyone else. They can and do become good parents but may require additional support to become the best they can be.”
Experts say early intervention to help and support parents with learning disabilities is crucial and can mean the difference between children staying with their families or going into care.
Clare Simpson, of Parenting Across Scotland, a partnership of charities helping vulnerable children and their families, believes the need to properly support parents with learning disabilities is critical.
She said: “They need calm, consistent, practical support from the earliest possible point. A quick fix, a sudden intervention when a family is already in or facing crisis, will often only postpone another crisis.
“Get it right for parents with learning disabilities and we will get it right for many other parents.”