I like dogs.. but take one to the cinema? That’s just barking
cry: “HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO A DOG?” ( I’m afraid the details are obviously too terrible for a fami ly newspaper.)
The idea of dog screenings will not be news in LA, where there’s already everything from dog cafes and hotels to, probably, dog banks and dog churches.
A friend of a friend over there told me a couple of years ago about the health problems her dog had been having, about the escalating vet bills. “How much have you spent?” I asked. “Oh, we’re well into five figures now,” came the reply. “Oh dear,” I replied. Of course, without wishing to sound cruel or callous or mean, what every molecule in my body was dying to shout out was: “OVER TEN GRAND ON A BLOODY DOG! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR TINY MIND? YOU COULD ADOPT AN ACTUAL BABY FOR THAT.”
It reminded me of an incident that befell me many years ago, while I was still at university. My friend Alan and I were driving through one of the less salubrious parts of Barrhead, in Renfrewshire, on our way to play golf.
Suddenly, with zero warning, a Jack Russell ran right out in front of the car. I braked hard but we still clipped the poor thing. We got out to see it trembling in the road.
Almost at once a teenage girl and her mum appeared. How to describe this pair? If you’re familiar with the family of Biffa Bacon from Viz, that’s a pretty good starting point. If not, just picture two of the hardest-looking women you’ve ever seen.
They went bananas, screaming and shouting and swearing.
While I was trying to apologise, the patriarch of the family strode into view – literally Biffa Bacon’s dad. He was wearing a string vest, in bare feet and, already, at about 10 o’clock in the morning, smelled as if he’d been enjoying some lager.
He took one look at the situation, sighed, and exclaimed: “Dug’s deed.”
Ah, no, I pointed out. The dog was still very much alive. Perhaps we should call a vet?
That did it. He exploded. “A VET? WHO THE HELL’S GOT THE MONEY FOR A BLOODY VET?”
I ran to the car to get my cheque book ( beingbe a student, I never hesitated to writewr a cheque for anything from a bag of cchips on up) but, when I turned back, I sasaw the man was already carrying the poor beast off around their house. PullingPul a shovel from the garden as he went.wen
Yes,Y here was someone for whom a 10 grandg vet bill was never going to be on the cards…
I don’t think he’d have had much timetim for taking the dog to the cinema either.eith