Winless Brechin will need to pray to a Shire power
It was a winless run so bad they decided to write a book about it.
Pointless. Chapter after chapter of East Stirling’s attempts to get a victory during a spell in the Noughties.
Months had passed, hammering after hammering.
When it did arrive, it was national news. Not quite of Berlin Wall falling proportions but enough to make the “…and finally” part of news bulletins.
The Shire’s failings had become a such a novelty there were features in Nuts magazine, a fly-on-the-wall TV documentary, even Littlewoods Pools came on board as sponsors of a side which couldn’t win. We were adopted by supporters’ clubs from teams in Norway and Germany.
This was a time of public shame, despite years of association with an assortment of full-time clubs, any recognition came with ridicule: “Are you that guy who plays for East Stirling?”
Even to this day there are moments of acknowledgement. On a train a few weeks ago a question came from a lad part of jolly boys’ day out and he shouted: “Hey, pal, you played for the Shire, eh?”
Best to keep the head down and issue a grunting denial given the circumstances.
Guilty by association of being part of a squad which made Brechin’s current points haul appear prolific.
The thing about being parttime and involved with a club which is in the wrong movie and not equipped to be where they are is the psychological impact.
To know you are on a hiding to nothing on a Saturday and no amount of preparation will alter the outcome. You see the fixed-odds coupons and your team are the Norton’s Coin (Gold Cup winner at 100/1) of the football world. In slice of bread terms, the Shire weren’t just an outsider, you would have to have been off your loaf to back us.
Our squad was littered with good players, men who had operated at a higher level. We had a talented boss in Dennis Newall but like Brechin, a lack of resources proved costly.
Darren Dods and his players will have been beaten down by their experiences this season, defeat after defeat creates a mental block and you start to believe you’ll never win again.
Having watched them on occasion this season, they’re a decent side. But they may have set a record in Scottish football for going through a season and losing the most times ever by a one-goal margin.
The memory of the Shire’s misadventure and our Miracle on Ice moment came at Elgin and the star of the show was a wee left-footed genius called Joe Robertson.
A freezing day is recalled as our £10 a-week side enjoyed a winning feeling for the first time in what had been almost a calendar year. Best not to be too specific with the damning statistics.
So there was Joe, a rasper of a free-kick and a blast of the full-time whistle which sent shockwaves across the globe and had many a vidiprinter double checking for a score correction about to arrive through from Borough Briggs.
The carry-out was bought for the journey home and the BBC were on the phone for an interview to mark this earthshattering occasion.
Brechin are now joining the Shire in annals of shame but they should hold there heads high. There have been no humiliations, they’ve remained competitive and, most importantly, nobody’s decided to write a book about them.