Perfect weather to turn up the heat on Trump
are revolting (in so many ways) against the scourge of sunscreen.
If the heatwave goes on much longer, I fear they will insist on taking their chances with permanent UV damage rather than suffer another head-to-toe slathering in Factor 370.
Because we’re not programmed to work in hot weather, our bodies think we’re on holiday, which means calories don’t count and there’s wine every night.
At the park, I witnessed something I’d never seen before. A woman was dangling her feet in the boating pond. She was perched on the end of a short jetty, casually swishing up ripples on the water’s surface while swans glided past. Idyllic.
But if she had checked out the other end of the pond first, she’d have spotted the accumulation of murky green scum, with assorted pieces of rubbish floating in it, that made the tranquil waters look like the effluent from a nuclear power plant.
The heat had clearly got to her. No sensible Scot paddles in a boating pond. But that’s what happens to your brain when you forget to wear a sunhat. See… we’re just not prepared.
Still, only a churl would complain that it’s too darn hot.
Let’s hope the fine spell lasts till the weekend so many of us turn up to greet Donald Trump when he visits our sun-baked land, at the expense of our half-baked Westminster government.
In preparation, placard-making has become a fun “holiday activity” for the kids. Current favourite? “Away Hame, Ya Trumpty.” Yes, this sunny summer is already one that will live on in our memories in many ways.
As for the potential ban on showering, there is hope. Scientists have identified the armpit bacteria that make sweaty folk smell.
A “super-deodorant” is on the cards to rid us of troublesome, stinky problems once and for all. And they’re planning to test it out
on Trump.