A big Easter lockdown.. and getting bigger daily
Just the distraction we need… a sexy Russian assassin with a taste for designer gear and mindless violence.
No, not one of Putin’s proteges
(though if you’ve been watching
Channel 4’s
Putin: A
Russian
Spy Story documentary you could probably be convinced).
Psychopathic Villanelle returns in a new series of Killing Eve, which is available on the BBC iPlayer from tomorrow.
Critics who’ve had a sneak peak of the first episode have given it lukewarm reviews.
But if it’s between a disappointing Killing Eve and yet another game of
Monopoly, we’re still giving Villanelle a shot, right?
We’ve given up on healthy “no meat Mondays” because every day feels like a Saturday and that means we can eat pizza.
Hubbie has been entrusted with the shop-and-awe supermarket runs and he claims to be unable to find anything unprocessed.
Unfortunately, he has no problem locating the Doritos, Pringles, Kettle Chips, popcorn, nuts (any kind will do), chocolate gingers, hot cross buns and booze. He never struggles on the booze, though he’s taken to hiding it in the trolley under more worthwhile comestibles for fear of being fined by the cops for making a “non-essential” outing. Listen, officer. Right now, that bottle of Lemon Drizzle Gin has never been more essential.
Also pushing me towards the fridge with a cry of “why the hell not?” are endless social media posts by gorgeous celebrities who are finding lockdown an opportunity to work on their already rippling abs in their glossy homes.
What’s wrong with these people? Don’t they have pastries to eat, Netflix to watch, a lazy streak to indulge?
Alesha Dixon posted selfies as she worked out surrounded by mirrors and glass in her custom-built exercise room while her muscly partner was pictured doing press-ups in a sun-kissed garden that looked bigger than our local park.
Then tthere’s Kate and Rio FerdinaFerdinand in their personal gym, alall super-keen and super-llean, challenging each otherot on who can squat thet lowest.
TheThey’ve only been marrimarried a little over six montmonths. Give it 20 years more and the spouse who can squat the lowelowest is the one most despdesperate to reach the AftAfter Eight that fell out of tthe box. Always me. AmandaA Holden was beinbeing all quirky and entertaining with those photos of her taking out the bins while dressed in a skintight fuscia ballgown or self-isolating in a gold lame cocktail dress. Instagrammers rushed to copy her. But I can’t be the only woman who looked at her pictures and wondered only what type of foundation underwear she uses and where she got that fabulous pineapple wallpaper.
Most of us will never be that rich/vain/ thin/fit or lead such glamorous lives.
But if we’ve learned anything from this crisis, it’s that Covid-19 is a vicious equaliser. They’re every bit as scared as us, just in bigger houses and with better willpower.
Frankly, as we try to look to a world beyond coronavirus, we’ll be content to be fat and pickled, as long as we all get through.
Now pass me those Cadbury Mini Eggs before the kids finish them. There will be more of me to hug at the end of all this.