VIRTUAL SURREALITY
Pandemic creates football Frankenstein’s monster in Belarus
Winston Churchill once said you should never let a good crisis go to waste.
With that in mind, step forward Belarusian president Alexander Lukashenko.
This is a man who continues to laugh i n the face of coronavirus with a belief that “drinking vodka, going to the sauna and driving a tractor can cure anything”.
He’s also convinced football has a part to play and is refusing to bring a halt to the season, with a mix of horror and relief to gamblers across the globe who’ve been forced to go cold turkey.
At a time when our own clubs and associations are making their usual pig’s breakfast of crisis management, president Zac’s approach at least brings some light relief. He said: “The civilised world is going nuts. It is absolute stupidity to close state borders. The panic can hurt us more than the virus itself.”
That’s why the Belarus top flight is refusing to budge and joins Nicaragua, Turkmenistan, Burundi and Myanmar as the world ’ s only leagues that continue in a state of denial by playing on regardless.
A closer inspection of just what’s going on within the last bastion of organised football in Europe makes for a fascinating insight into the human condition in these dark days as well as the opportunity the chaos creates.
Not all supporters have bought into the kick-off-and-carry-on approach, with fan boycotts already in place at 10 of the 16 top division clubs. As all eyes now turn towards the likes of Dynamo Brest , Shakhtyor Soligorsk, Bate Borisov and FC Minsk, television companies who wouldn’t have given a monkey’s for a Dynamo Minsk match are now broadcasting for the masses across the globe. This pandemic has created something of a footbal l ing Frankenstein’s monster as the lack of fans has been addressed with a bit of marketing ingenuity. Virtual seats are being sold b y c lu b s to remote fans who’ve adopted them. At the price of five times a normal ticket, fans from the likes of the
USA and Canada pay £ 21 to have mannequins placed on seats t ha t come complete with a cut- out photo of the individual who has forked out.
Dynamo Brest chief , Vladimi r Machulsky refuses to blush at this barefaced approach.
He said: “It’s our creative idea. A virtual spectator following the match can see himself in the stands on TV.”
Convincing the players that social distancing doesn’t come in the shape of a man-marking job appears to have been the easiest part of all. FC Isloch star Sandro Tsveiba adopted gallows humour.h
He said: “Not muchm has changed.
“We no longer shakes hands, just fistfi bump with each other.o Oh, and we coughc and sneeze ini the dressing room,r just for fun.”
Bet t i ng sites haveh markets for gamesg in t he BelarusB league and puntersp are now expere ts on the relativer strengths anda weaknesses ofo a Borisov and a Minsk.
So, as Scot tish footbal l continues to run around with its hair on fire, don’t go bonkers, just have a bet in Belarus. would say that winning two caps for Scotland would probably be the proudest I’ve ever been.
“I played against Holland and Hungary and– even if you add them together – I only played about four minutes but they were still special for me.
“But those games were just friendlies and I’m still able to play for Australia.
“I’ve have spoken to the assistant manager of Australia and I’ve told him that I’d be interested.
“My first choice would be to play for Scotland but my mum was born in Australia so I have that option.
“It’s a bit like Martin who has done alright.
“If the opportunity came up then I think I would take it, purely because I feel like I’m not in Scotland’s plans at the moment.”