Forget SPFL jigsaw... I’ve got my own

With Dominic Cummings and his eyesight taking over the Twitter timeline this week, I thought it the perfect time to deliver a lockdown confession unnoticed. I love jigsaws. There, it’s out there. A couple of months back my dad was cleaning my nana’s house and found a puzzle. Cue him saying how good he is.

I thought, ‘I’ll have a bit of that’ and he dropped it on the doorstop.

I loved it, I don’t know why but I did. Instead of drinking or doing whatever young folk are supposed to do these days, my fiancee Katie and I sit with a cuppa doing a puzzle for four hours after work.

It turns out this revelation didn’t slip past everyone, mind. “Hobby of a flat earther”, chimed in Stenhousemuir’s Scotty McLaughlin.

I replied with a screenshot of the 3D jigsaw puzzle of a globe that will be my next project. A bit pricey at 35 quid, mind you, but Scotty it’s worth it.

Hopeful ly this news is no longer relevant by the time we’re back to football at East Fife, otherwise I will get the p**s taken out of me more than Brett Long. And that takes something special. But, do you know what, I’m not ashamed – it stimulates the brain. I thought they pl were supposed to be easy but I’m tearing my hair out sometimes. ht

I’d be more than happy to offer my skills to sorting the SPFL reconstruction jigsaw.

Although those upstairs would take one look at my Twitter and go, ‘ This guy is an idiot, we’re not having him involved.’

It’s probably the same sentiment felt by those who have seen me filming for this week’s school sports day in my role as a PE teacher at Crossford Primary.

I’m planning 12 events, among them long jump and a penalty shoot-out, so I’ve been down Leith Links with the tripod again filming drills to share with the kids.

Without fail, a dog comes into shot at the perfect moment. Listen, I love dogs but I do get a bit paranoid when there is a rottweiler kicking about and I am in the middle of doing the egg and spoon race.

I’m just glad my popularity wasn’t tested with a Twitter poll like my old club Livingston did with Gary Maley this week.

It would have been a real hit to my ego. ‘Should we offer Denholm a deal? 100 per cent say no, off to the lower leagues son’.

The keeper was obviously in on it and it’s a lovely gesture it has ended up raising money for a children’s charity.

Is it the way forward? Absolutely not. You have to let the manager decide – unless the manager doesn’t want me, in which case put it to the fans as a back-up.

And a quick word on Gordon Strachan’s comments about clubs pretending to be professional. No, not velocity – ignorance.

A charismatic fella who has earned a lot of respect as a great player and manager, I feel like he should know better.

These clubs I have been lucky to be part of – the Angus teams, East Fife – they are all huge players in the community.

They do great things in the community, they bring people together.

No, we’re not getting 30,000 folk at a game but we are getting 1000 fans and that is a big part of people’s day.

As for producing players, Andy Robertson springs to mind.