Kim and Kanye to split up? That’s a bummer
Just when it seemed the news couldn’t get any worse, 2021 delivers shock like no other.
Honestly, I’m writing this with my head under my pillow ’cause I can’t bear to face the new day. Alas, there’s no point trying.
So the schools are shut? Big deal. Vaccines are in short supply and we might not get inoculated till around July 2026? So what? Bojo’s blundering around with our future like Mr Blobby playing Blind Man’s Bluff while carrying a tray of drinks. Matters not. America’s on fire. So what else is new?
Kim and Kanye are getting divorced. Stop all the clocks. This can’t be true.
If that pair of crazy lovebirds can’t make it, what hope is there for the rest of us? The Kardashian-Wests are the glittery, sparkling, gilt- edged, cosmeticallyenhanced, airbrushed, Photo-shopped, poster couple of celebrity marriage. Solid as bum implants, and just as capable of withstanding extreme pressure.
He doesn’t mind her penchant for sharing naked photos, she seems able to tolerate his wild outbursts and presidential aspirations (actually, he wouldn’t have been any worse), plus they both adore their four children.
Kanye has issues, that’s clear, but every couple cou has difficulties, right? The strong ones cope cop by buying outrageously extravagant gifts.
He H got his wife a hologram of her dead fa father for her 40th birthday, for goodness s sake. And that’s not creepy at all. What greater g love hath a man for a woman than to t give her a ghost that tells her she’s married m to the “most, most, most, most, most m genius man in the whole world”?
Surely ‘Kimye’ will be forever? They’re a perfect p brand, sorry… perfect blend. And yet y insiders reveal they’re negotiating the break-up b of their £2.2billion fortune. After six s years of marriage, Kim’s reported to have hired h a celebrity divorce lawyer and has ditched d her million-pound engagement ring.
So it seems this beautiful pairing becomes another a statistic of ‘Divorce Day’ – the first working w day in January after the holidays when w couples realise that they’ve had their fifi fill of one another and certainly won’t be sharing the turkey next Christmas. There’s no detail on what has finally caused the break-up, though we can expect Instagram updates soon. But the pandemic hasn’t been easy on any relationship, even one so idyllic as that of the sex tape star and the rapper.
Riches beyond imagination, mind-boggling luxury, a bahookie with its own gravitational pull – yet none of it is enough to keep them together when the pressure of life gets too much.
Where does that leave those of us who haven’t quite got it so good? Now we’re confined to barracks again by lockdown, staring at a spouse who has barely left our line of vision since last March, wondering why on eaearth he never puts anyanything away and alwalways ‘ forgets’ to put swesweeteners in your tea.
WWe’re also about to factfactor in the stresses of both home schooling and homeh working, the presspressures of furlough, the wworries over new Covid variants. We’re down to our last 24 toilet rolls anda the hairdressers and bebeauticians are shut again sso we’re beginning to look like Iggy Pop.
LawyLawyers report rocketing divorce enquiries and subsequsubsequent cases since the first llockdown began. Citizens Advice experiencexperienced a surge in searches for advice on ending relationships. The same development is reported in China, Sweden and the US.
Ronen Stilman, of the UK Council for Psychotherapy, says even secure partnerships could be rocked by the pandemic because it has removed the “well-established routines that offered comfort, stability and rhythm”.
And one of our well-established routines was surely enjoying a chuckle at the KardashianWests? When everything else was dull and monotonous, they were ridiculously, laughably, outlandishly in love, with themselves as much as each other.
However will we cope? The trick will be to appreciate what we have for all its flat-bummed, round-bellied, skinny-lipped, hologram-hating faults. We’re still plodding on when even the most privileged celebs have stumbled. We must be doing something right.
Fret not, Kimye will likely reconcile when they realise they can’t bear to part… with their dosh.