Quotes of the week

When they walk into a cafe dressed head to toe in Lycra, you spot people sniggering

Olympic cycling champion Chris Hoy criticises Mamils - middleaged men in Lycra

I’ve got a confession, which may be a shock...I’ve never done karaoke

Theresa May admits she’s never been tempted by the singalong craze during a visit to Japan

It’s the least erotic thing of all - unless your idea of eroticism is standing in a room with 12 electricians and seven other people and having your bum made up in between takes

Love Actually star Bill Nighy says he’s given up doing sex scenes

Our surgeons are busy enough. Let them do proper jobs

Mary Berry vetoes having plastic surgery

I call it my hobby my wife says it’s an obsession

Pubgoer Rob Cocker is

the toast of Britain’s boozers after visiting

more than 10,000

Changing my last name doesn’t change the fact that my BLOOD is half Chinese

Actress Chloe Bennet says she had to change her name from Wang to get acting roles in

Hollywood

I should record it sometime and we’ll make a hit single

Joan Collins’ husband Percy Gibson says her musical snoring is so tuneful it could be a Tchaikovsky symphony

If you don’t like it, sell your shares and f*** off. If you don’t want to own them, p*** off

Ryanair boss Michael

O’Leary has a blunt message to shareholders thinking of voting

against his

£3million a year salary